Suggestions for a better life as a single mom

I've reached the point in my life where I feel like I need a completely new slate of support. Not that I really had it but I need to build a community for my son and I. My son will be 13 in August. I am a single mother and get so overwhelmed with the day in day out life. This means working full time, taking care of everything physically, mentally, financially etc.. I'm over it! His father barely helps( only per court order) and hasn't even been compliant with child support. On the upside, my son goes with him over the summer( he lives over 18 hours from here), however, when he returns home I have to deal with undoing behaviors. My family is very unreliable with support. I loss my mother at age 16( I'm 36 now) and even before I had my son they were not very supportive of me. So I tried to give chances and be hopeful that things would change and learned to just stop with expectations. It's hard trusting people these days. I wish I had enough money to hire my community lol( nanny, cook, maid) just to help take some of the ease of me. The older I get the more single parenting is taking a toll on me. My son even recognized that I'm burned out. I try to take him to the YMCA to keep him active at least once a week and we attend church every Sunday as well as my son enjoys Bible study on Wednesdays. *Note: I attend separate therapy for myself weekly and we both attend therapy together for his ADHD behavioral component. What do you do to find community? Where do you start? I'm on my journey of making things easier for myself as a mom. Looking for the balance of reciprocation and have firm boundaries. How to break the cycle? -Signed a tired single mom
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Support groups, local library groups, religious/spiritual groups, fb groups, even groups on here 🤷‍♀️ I’ve yet to find a village but I’ve found at least one person to add and keep me sane.

Definitely support groups, you are doing great as a mom. I understand everything you said. Start here with the app. It helps out a lot.

Honestly, following so I can hear the tips because my community is my overworked crabby ass husband to be and my kids. I just want to commend you for all your hard work. You sound like an amazing mom and your independence and dedication is so admirable! Prayers that you find exactly what you’re looking for mama. You deserve it!

@courtney I never knew that the library had groups? I definitely will check next time we go. I attend a huge church so I'm glad you mentioned it because they do have connect groups. I'm glad you have at least one person to keep you sane💜. Having that outlet is so important. Thank you so much for the input☺️

@Tiara yes they have groups for anyone and for age groups of kids, or certain hobbies and ofcourse book clubs.

@Jessica So far in the app I found a pod that helps a little. My therapist mentioned that I definitely need to find my right tribe. She felt so bad for me and said that she knows that I probably feel lonely. I just have to be patient 🙏🏾. Thank you so much💜

@Cassie I hope you also find your community support as well!! If you have a lot pulling on you then it can take a toll on you overtime. It's time that your cup gets filled as well!! And thank you so much for the amazing compliment 🥹. I appreciate it💜

Also while I was pregnant I opened up to my OBGYN. And they referred me to a program threw that particular office, I don't know if other offices have this but worth a try talking to your doc too. Anyhow, she helps me with resources, turning in paperwork if I need it, scheduling appointments for my kids, she said she can come over help tidy up, laundry or just watch the baby while I nap or shower. And it's all paid threw my insurance. I'm single mom as well. I have been going work, threw school, dealing with grief, having a baby, PTSD/bipolar and other life challenges. I feel ya. I am working on asking and accepting help.

@Danie That's beautiful that your obgyn provided that resource! I've noticed it seems there are more resources for when you're pregnant. I'm having a hard time finding resources for support when my son is no longer a baby. I only have one child and he's almost 13 and I've been a single mom since day 1. It's definitely wearing me out now dealing with juggling it all with a pre-teen son with ADHD and anxiety. I go to therapy to assist with my grief of losing my mom at an early age as well as the loss of family members that also supported me( my grandmother and uncles passed away as well). I'm glad you have those options.. please accept the help where you can because that is a blessing. Things can only get better for you from here💜.

Talk to his doc or your own doc to see if there is any resources for you like that. I just so happen to be with my OBGYN. The reason we qualify for this is because of me n my boys behavioral health. I get what your going threw. My oldest son had ADHD, PTSD. He would be 18. My other boys are 10 and 14. But the boys is what qualifies us. Not baby. Wouldn't hurt to ask.

I found my community in bowling leagues, there are tons of leagues in my area that are handicap (score not disability) leagues that help to put everyone on an even playing field score wise. There are adult leagues ( which I'm in, and how I met my husband) Adult and kid leagues (which I will join with my son when he is old enough) or even kids only leagues. One thing that's nice is seeing both yourself and your kid or your friends improve over a season, you can choose to focus more for the week, or intersact and get to know more people. I started to bring my former step son (ex's 12 year old who I see more than his dead beat dad) to the bowling alley once or twice a month and he has loved it, and started making friends with the kids at the alley who are in leagues and has already been improving.

@Kelsey That's amazing!! So glad you have found your community for you and the little one☺️. My son and I are into different sports which makes it a little more challenging. He loves basketball however, there isn't a consistent league that's reasonable ( unless you pay an arm and leg for AAU leagues). He played for the YMCA but they only had it for 9 weeks which didn't give much time. Over the summer he's with his father in a different state away from here. Once he returns home he's been into soccer, and the basketball team at school is very competitive to get in. I just need to find something consistent for him. So far he's in church groups on Wednesdays which he enjoys, but he hasn't formed long term friends yet. Thank you for the suggestion! I will discuss with my son to see if it's easier that we come to agreement on something like bowling that is consistent. Myself personally I'm looking into joining tennis again during my me time during the summer as well as traveling to feel some sense of relief.

Those are all great options, and the 12 year old is super into basketball but practice is before school and his mom can't take him to practice daily. So he enjoys playing during PE and at the park on weekends. But bowling is at 6 or 7pm for the kids league depending on the day and at 9am on weekends, so I am out of work by that time and I'm able to take him

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