Should I be upset

My husband proposed sex tonight. We were watching a movie we have seen several times just chilling before we were gonna get intimate. I remember I hadn’t shown him what I had got for our daughter’s upcoming birthday and was really proud of the deals I had got. While I showed him he was obviously paying more attention to the movie. After that I told him that it hurt me that the movie he had seen several times before was more important than me/what I was trying to tell him. He was quiet for a long time, then asked what he could do to make it up to me. I honestly wasn’t sure. But after a long awkward silence I eventually said that if someone is making it up to the other one for making them feel unimportant they should try to come up with something not make the person hurt fix it for them. He then was quiet for several minutes. Then told me he can’t relate cause he never feels important. I asked him to elaborate. He was quiet for a long time. So I asked him to explain what it is that I do or don’t do that makes him feel unimportant. He told me never mind. I sat for a while. Then told him I can’t work to improve without his input. I said that because in my opinion I do try to make him feel important and loved daily and I personally was talking about an isolated incident that happened right before that made me feel that way, not and overall feeling. He eventually told me it’s an overall thing, like he doesn’t feel important at work or as a dad or husband. I told him I was sorry if I had allowed my role as a mother to over shadow my role as a wife too much. But honestly after all was said and done I feel really upset that he took what should have been a simple issue I was having that night and made it about him. I don’t feel okay and know it just time to go to bed and of course we didn’t have sex, because I quote “threw him off with my issue” so I get to live with that guilt now and wonder if I should have just keep it to myself and let him f*ck me despite how I was feeling. Thus in the future just not say anything if I ever feel anything like that again.

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Does he often do this? Is it out of character for him? Are you open to more communication about it?

More often than I would care to admit to. It’s like he waits till I have an issue to bring up his issues.

Honestly, my ex did this to me and it was an abusive relationship. Not saying yours is but id really think about your relationship and see if there is any red flags that you'd been ignoring or didn't realize. You can message me if you want to, to talk about possible red flags in your relationship. No judgement and everything would be kept between us.

Either he’s doing it unintentionally meaning you bringing up an issue allows him a way to bring up issues—ie he doesn’t know how to effectively communicate OR he’s doing it intentionally to downplay your issues/make it about him. The only way to tell is to keep communication open and see how he reacts.

Wow you articulate your emotions so well I took in some own self reflections throughout reading. Wish I was this sound inside my head with deciphering how I feel. I hope you guys can overcome this disconnect ♥️ for your sake.♥️ You deserve your partner’s attention and shouldn’t feel obligated to fight for it or sleep with them to receive it. Just because he accepts feeling unimportant and doesn’t speak on it doesn’t mean you should accept it as your norm too. You sound like you’ve met yourself deeply and being more emotionally advanced… he unfortunately has to play catch up by doing some inner work tons of humans (cough especially men cough) shy away from

My husband does the same thing and it's frustrating and annoying he always says he doesn't bring up anything because it's not important then when I ask why he brought it up after I brought up a issue he gets upset

Makes sense if he hasn't really been validated in his life (from his past and childhood) then he might not really know how to validate others. Not sure if that is what he was trying to communicate or is a fit for the situation. If it is, definitely a skill that can be learned. Sorry you're feeling bad about it. You shouldn't ever be made to feel guilty for not being in the mood.

If its not a trick (and due to his first response I think it is not), then the problem is that you asked a person who apparently has never experienced making up for ignoring, to come up to an idea of how to do it for someone. An impossible task. Maybe next time you can think about it together or just choose something simple, like „let’s try again from the start“ or a long hug.

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Self employed husband

Hi ladies. I need advice on my relationship and partnership. My husband is self employed. I left work early this year as life became too hard as his schedule as below never changed it’s been like this. His schedule

8.30am wake up and responds to emails and makes work calls

9.30 he gets ready to leave the house for work. I don’t make him any breakfast on principle as I’m overwhelmed with kids and home and he gets bugged by this because he feels the bare minimum I can do for him as a hard working man is to make sure he’s fed.

All day. No contact from him unless he needs something from me. No calls if kids are unwell. No calls if I’ve said I’m not feeling great today. Nothing. But I’ll get back to back calls from him if he wants to know something with urgency.

After school I pick up the kids, and we’re usually home bound for the rest of the evening.

He pulls up to the drive around 6pm most days. Sits in his car doing more admin and work calls.

He’ll come inside around 7pm. Kids are starting to get ready for bed. He leads them to their rooms and focuses on putting the youngest down. In that time I’m usually downstairs tidying or go out for a supermarket shop.

At 8.30/9 most nights of the week he goes out to catch up with a friend or work related something. Comes home around midnight or later. If not out he watches his TV series. I’ve started to sleep in the big kids room as he is better at settling the baby at night.

Most nights I stay downstairs scrolling on my phone or doing house chores.

We have intimacy only if he initiates. I have lost my spark for anything pleasure related.

I don’t know how to make him realise he’s losing his connection with me. I am just cordial with him for the most days unless I’m really annoyed I stop talking to him for several days. I’ve tried talking to him and explaining, trying to set work switch off boundaries etc. I don’t know if anyone’s been in this position where you just reach a point of not caring to address the problems anymore.

Will he ever come to realise I’ve accepted I am a single married woman?? Will he even care?? His defence ALWAYS is MONEY. If he doesn’t work this hard we won’t be able to sustain the house and cars etc. I MUST add he is the materialistic one in us and always wants to have things slightly better than everyone else.

What’s your advice on how to make my final plea to him.

Another toddler keeps hitting my child at a public activity — how should I handle it?

We go to this rhyme time with our kid. There’s a child there who hit my child before. Both of them are two years old, and last time he pushed my kid to the ground. He keeps trying to hit him. His mom does try to hold him back, but today we ran into them again and he hit my child with a book.

I noticed that the mom is trying, but she’s very soft and gentle about it. Every time this happens I get really stressed and I don’t know what to do. I try to keep my child away, but she can’t seem to keep her child far enough from mine.

Honestly, I’m really upset, angry, and tired. I already come to this activity hoping to relax a bit while my child plays, but when things like this happen it just makes me more stressed. If this happened to your child, what would you do? How would you talk to the other mom?

Because I feel like she’s not really warning him or holding him back enough, and this is the third time her child has hit mine.

Wotsits

Such a weird and random question but when did everyone start feeding their babies wotsits etc. according to google not advised under 12m

Men gaze?

Anyone else’s husband very vocal about not liking the “plastic” look? Like everytime he sees a girl with lip injections or heavy makeup up he’s just like “ I don’t know how people like that. It’s not attractive to have all that crap going on”. But like all these of models and junk are all plastic 😅 he dosnt do any of that but I know ALOT of men do. Like I believe him but sometimes I wish I could look more like some of them because my lips are thin and after kids my boobs are saggy but he insists that he loves my body the way it is. Idk just thinking

What are we doing???

FTM who is now a SAHM that just left a very fast paced and busy full time job, what are we doing to not go stir crazy at home? How are we staying busy ?

Also will say that it’s just me and baby girl at home most of the time, fiancé works out of town.

TV time

Yes it’s not recommended but my little girl is 2 I live alone and use tv time to get housework done. I was wondering if anyone had any recommendations for educational shows on YouTube or Disney. My niece is 24 days older than my daughter and watches tv 24/7 can count to 10 and say the alphabet. My daughter can’t do any of that. And I know we shouldn’t compare but it just makes me feel awful