Should I be upset

My husband proposed sex tonight. We were watching a movie we have seen several times just chilling before we were gonna get intimate. I remember I hadn’t shown him what I had got for our daughter’s upcoming birthday and was really proud of the deals I had got. While I showed him he was obviously paying more attention to the movie. After that I told him that it hurt me that the movie he had seen several times before was more important than me/what I was trying to tell him. He was quiet for a long time, then asked what he could do to make it up to me. I honestly wasn’t sure. But after a long awkward silence I eventually said that if someone is making it up to the other one for making them feel unimportant they should try to come up with something not make the person hurt fix it for them. He then was quiet for several minutes. Then told me he can’t relate cause he never feels important. I asked him to elaborate. He was quiet for a long time. So I asked him to explain what it is that I do or don’t do that makes him feel unimportant. He told me never mind. I sat for a while. Then told him I can’t work to improve without his input. I said that because in my opinion I do try to make him feel important and loved daily and I personally was talking about an isolated incident that happened right before that made me feel that way, not and overall feeling. He eventually told me it’s an overall thing, like he doesn’t feel important at work or as a dad or husband. I told him I was sorry if I had allowed my role as a mother to over shadow my role as a wife too much. But honestly after all was said and done I feel really upset that he took what should have been a simple issue I was having that night and made it about him. I don’t feel okay and know it just time to go to bed and of course we didn’t have sex, because I quote “threw him off with my issue” so I get to live with that guilt now and wonder if I should have just keep it to myself and let him f*ck me despite how I was feeling. Thus in the future just not say anything if I ever feel anything like that again.

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Does he often do this? Is it out of character for him? Are you open to more communication about it?

@courtney More often than I would care to admit to. It’s like he waits till I have an issue to bring up his issues.

Honestly, my ex did this to me and it was an abusive relationship. Not saying yours is but id really think about your relationship and see if there is any red flags that you'd been ignoring or didn't realize. You can message me if you want to, to talk about possible red flags in your relationship. No judgement and everything would be kept between us.

Either he’s doing it unintentionally meaning you bringing up an issue allows him a way to bring up issues—ie he doesn’t know how to effectively communicate OR he’s doing it intentionally to downplay your issues/make it about him. The only way to tell is to keep communication open and see how he reacts.

Wow you articulate your emotions so well I took in some own self reflections throughout reading. Wish I was this sound inside my head with deciphering how I feel. I hope you guys can overcome this disconnect ♥️ for your sake.♥️ You deserve your partner’s attention and shouldn’t feel obligated to fight for it or sleep with them to receive it. Just because he accepts feeling unimportant and doesn’t speak on it doesn’t mean you should accept it as your norm too. You sound like you’ve met yourself deeply and being more emotionally advanced… he unfortunately has to play catch up by doing some inner work tons of humans (cough especially men cough) shy away from

My husband does the same thing and it's frustrating and annoying he always says he doesn't bring up anything because it's not important then when I ask why he brought it up after I brought up a issue he gets upset

Makes sense if he hasn't really been validated in his life (from his past and childhood) then he might not really know how to validate others. Not sure if that is what he was trying to communicate or is a fit for the situation. If it is, definitely a skill that can be learned. Sorry you're feeling bad about it. You shouldn't ever be made to feel guilty for not being in the mood.

If its not a trick (and due to his first response I think it is not), then the problem is that you asked a person who apparently has never experienced making up for ignoring, to come up to an idea of how to do it for someone. An impossible task. Maybe next time you can think about it together or just choose something simple, like „let’s try again from the start“ or a long hug.

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