Spiritual Gangsters 🇺🇸

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I just watched a video of a woman speaking on spiritual women being "in" relationships vs. "having" relationships. Saying that spiritual women who are in relationships with men have diluted gifts. I find myself struggling between two desires.

1. I want to be free and able to do whatever I want without having to consult with another human. I want to follow my spirit without feeling like every decision I make affects someone else. I want to cater to my gifts.
2. Having a partner, best friend, lover, and life person by my side to grow old with.

I do have a partner right now that I love so deeply and feel very whole with. But at times, I feel like living with him keeps me from being my most authentic SPIRITUAL self. I am able to be myself; the silly, loving, hard working, nurturing, confident, sensual woman. But I sometimes feel disconnected from my spiritual self that transcends the five senses and experiences things beyond even the most joyful bliss of this world. I feel less connected to the sun, less messages received, less psychic encounters.

I don't know if it's an imbalance on my part in terms of spending more time with him than by myself. He lives with me and my kids now, and I do enjoy his company. I have three sons, and I love having a male presence in my home. I feel it helps me understand teen boys better from his input and support. I feel safe from external threats because he is healthy, strong, vigilant, and protective. He softens when I need him to, exactly when I need him to without fail. I melt into him, and he holds me there. I am my most feminine around him. He challenges me in all the right ways. But I still somehow feel disconnected from another part of myself that he couldn't possibly experience with me because he isn't a spiritual woman.

This post ended up being longer than I had anticipated, but thank you for reading. 🫶🏻✌🏻

This year I moved to the Pacific Northwest in Washington and had a true spiritual awakening. Now I have rid all my bad habits and have become dedicated but feel extremely isolated from society at large. I no longer find joy in being around hedonism or toxic individuals. It's made me incredibly lonely and my kiddo has no family nearby. I came from an abusive upbringing so I don't really have much to do with my past and haven't met my future soul family so it's depressing. I try to find peace in it but I desperately crave sister bonds. I don't hate anyone, but I just don't resonate with regular people anymore or dogmatic religion. I've only just turned 30 and have a 3 yr old and I'm full of adventure but no one to spend it with, aside from my partner and he just wants to play video games on his downtime, which I'm okay with because he works a hard job. I just want to surround myself with good hearted souls that have also achieved spiritual awakening and have strong desire to follow their practices. Am I completely alone in this? Is there anyone out there that's truly missing they're soul sister? I don't want to be Spiritually alone anymore....

After having kids, has anybody else had to distance from them to not let the evil spirits around your children? I kept distance for awhile but they kept bribing us to be around us again and my babyfather told me to take advantage of it so I hung out with them again. But as soon as they saw my first kid (they disrespected her space so many times as a newborn) , they immediately got to whispering and touching her face and hair… I told them that before i distanced that I was not comfortable with them jumping straight to touching her and they didn’t seem to remember nor care about the boundaries… Started feeding them food that I didn’t really want them to eat etc at the restaurant, fixing their hair, putting hats on them. It was too much doing things that I didn’t feel comfortable with. I’ve been through this so many times, hence why i distanced including childhood abuse but my babyfather wanted to involve them since we were back in our hometown.

I already had a bad feeling that this would happen again and it did. I was so hesitant to be around them even though my babyfather suggested that they join us out and he also had a bad feeling after my mom invited my sister by telling me “she should be involved too, you have so much to be thankful for”… But I was going to just meet them one by one when I was ready to face them again. I’m in 3rd trimester of my pregnancy and my anxiety was spiked very high because whenever they are together, they start overstepping boundaries. I grew up with these people but as an adult, we are total different beings. I appreciate the gifts and support but that doesn’t mean they can do whatever they want to my babies.

want to feel connected in different ways. I’m so over the life I lived for so long, and I don’t think people understand that I don’t want the same things anymore. I’m craving deeper connections, different conversations, different experiences things that actually feed me spiritually and help me grow. I don’t hate anyone. I just don’t relate to the version of life I used to live anymore.

Concord area🙏