Inlaws, family, & venting

Just wondering if any other mums have been in a similar situation because I honestly just want to feel understood 🥺🤍

My FIL is very against vaccinations, whereas my partner and I have chosen to vaccinate our daughter. Before anything else, I genuinely have nothing against parents who choose differently. This isn’t a vaccinated vs unvaccinated post and I don’t want anyone to feel judged for the decisions they make for their own children. I just want that same respect for the decisions I make for mine.

My MIL is honestly a saint when it comes to this and is completely supportive of vaccinations. Of course we’ve had the occasional disagreement or comment about my parenting, but nothing I can’t handle. This situation is specifically about my FIL.

He has questioned and made comments about our decision to vaccinate our daughter multiple times, and it has reached the point where I just avoid him. If he comes to our house, I’ll sometimes leave the room, have a shower or find something else to do and wait until he’s gone. I hate admitting that because this is my own home and I shouldn’t feel like I need to disappear just to avoid feeling uncomfortable.

I’m already going through a really difficult postpartum period. I’ve been stressed and crying almost every day and I’ve now been diagnosed with postpartum depression and anxiety. I’m trying really hard to look after myself and be the best mum I can be, and having my parenting decisions continually questioned is just adding another layer of stress that I really don’t need right now.

I don’t need my FIL to agree with vaccinations. I’m not trying to change his beliefs. I just need him to respect that we are her parents, we’ve made this decision with her medical professionals, and it isn’t something I want to continually defend or debate.

Has anyone else had a family member disagree so strongly with one of your parenting decisions that you eventually started avoiding them? How did you set boundaries without completely destroying the relationship?

Please no vaccine debates — I’m genuinely just looking for other mums who understand what it feels like to have your decisions as a mum continually questioned. 🫶🏾

Ugh I just need to rant. Will probably delete later. My husband and I agreed that we would only have a smash cake for my daughter and cupcakes for the guest. No one on either side really eats cake so it would just be a waste. We went to go visit my MIL yesterday and she said she would have her friend make a cake. We said no it’s okay and she kept insisting that her friend would make the cake. My husband gave in and said okay.

I was obviously upset because we had agreed that we weren’t doing cake. It’s not about spending the money on the cake it’s about the principle of it all. We said no and she kept pushing it onto us. My husband said he would call her and tell her no to the cake but I said just forget it. You already said yes. Just annoyed with the whole situation.

I’ve been with my partner for 6.5 years and been engaged for about 2years now due to my surprise pregnancy of my son, but now his sister is pregnant now and planned her baby shower the weekend both mine and my partner’s birthday when there is clearly other weekends to do it on. And truthfully she’s harming her pregnancy by continuing to vape and some other things that it’s restricting the baby’s growth. Also she’s an attention seeker, during my son’s 1st birthday party she asked my partner why I was upset after hearing his aunt and uncle’s excuse for not coming due to a MLB game, and proceeds to ask if it’s about her. And for a while my partner has had a tough time finding peace to just cut her off.

I grew up with a kinda distant mom and when I met my husband, his mom was such a warm "mommy" type of mom. She was a SAHM for her 3 kids and did all the mom things etc. She is from another country and over the years we have paid her rent back home and supported her as she didn't have a job and has lupus. When I was pregnant, she was so excited because it's her first grandchild. She said she wanted to live with us full time and help with the baby which was a dream come true for me. I did all her paperwork and got her her greencard and got her a job with my mom and got her health insurance etc. Long story short, I SET HER UP WITH A DREAM LIFE. I have always supported her emotionally and anything she needed, I would help her get. If she wanted to plan for her future or had a certain goal, I would create budgets for her or help her plan so she could reach her goals.

After i had the baby and our night nurse was done and we were really relying on her so I could go back to work, Little by little she became complacent and distant and would fight with my husband (which in her defense, he can be grumpy and roll his eyes and do that kind of super annoying semi disrespectful stuff). She would threaten to leave which was so stressful for me.

I would cry to her and explain that I was the breadwinner and I HAD TO work so that our mortgage could get paid and that we couldn't afford childcare and I showed her the numbers etc. I also tried to explain that she couldn't afford to live on her own here. (She has never lived on her own and really doesn't understand what is needed for her to do that or what I need to do to support our family and household. She would agree to stay and then it would start all over again a week or so later.

One day, I came home from work and she was gone, she had secretly found and rented a room and left (without any of her things and then made my husband pack her stuff and bring it to her)... I had 2 days to try and find childcare. I couldn't cover 2 of my evenings at work for the first week and I ended up getting fired because "I couldn't do my job without reliable childcare." Because I lost my job, I lost the HELOC i was just approved for so we could expand my son's tiny bedroom and create our forever home. My whole life has been completely upended and there is no getting it back.

She hasn't spoken to me in months. She keeps asking my husband to see my son and I just can't do it. I'm so deeply hurt. I can't do it.

Am I wrong here?

I dont know if im overthinking this my partner is so close with his sister if i say something or mention her he gets so defensive its like she cant do wrong in his eyes, today his mom n sister came round i have 4 kids but his sister favourites my youngest to the point my other can tell n feel not included, today she had my youngest on her lap taking selfies with her running after like shes a baby, i dont like to allow guests upstairs she’s gone upstairs after my youngest trying to play mom to her 😔 i say people can take pics its there family too obviously just dont upload to social media i dont like putting my kids online she posted a pic on instagram of “her favourite niece” i explained why i dont like uploading kids online but yet again today she was being sneaky taking secret selfies an when they left our house i see she’s uploading pics on her snap story, Just wish i had nice inlaws that actually listen an not favourite kids 🤯😤