Surviving the Narcissist

My two youngests father is highly narcissistic and currently dragging us through family court. Anyone else been through this or going through this? X

Been almost 20 years of marriage, I can’t argue back to him and end up I say sorry to him. He has his business, he’s paying the bills, but in term of our relationship, he never say how are you feeling when I’m sick. End up I’m telling him. He doesn’t care though. He don’t like me involved in his job, so I’m just stay at home mom, He rarely comes to our kids school functions, my clinic appointments. We rarely go out together, but whenever we go out, I become silent, I can’t talk because I worried something I said wrong, because he used to judge me. He never like to listen to me, spend time with me talking. He watch movies in his free time but I can’t talk that time too. Lately I become lonely.

My husband can come across as really loving and sweet, but behind closed doors I often feel like I’m walking on eggshells.

He does not take any form of criticism well. He immediately becomes defensive and enraged and it always ends in a big fight.

He also does not take people joking with him well. If he is the subject of a joke/banter he will have a huge tantrum or go silent and want to leave. He ruined last Christmas after someone teased him a little bit. He spent all of Christmas Day alone, and went and had a nap up in the bedroom by himself, refused to eat Christmas dinner with everyone, and asked me if we could leave that night instead of staying over. He also ruined Easter because he was ‘so tired’, he didn’t want to go, and when we went he sabotaged it, didn’t join anyone for dinner and sat in a room with just our baby. He’s also sabotaged other events including most recently my brother’s wedding. I’m fed up with family events being ruined.

He never apologises for anything. And if I bring up something I’m not happy with with he will always spin it round so that he is the victim and I am in the wrong, so I always end up apologising even though I was mad at him in the first place. This happens every few days at the moment. I thinks he’s apologised first twice in our 4 year relationship.

He loves people praising him, and every day after work he brags about his achievements and often belittles his colleagues and their mistakes. He absolutely rages if anyone at work makes him feel small, or steps out of line. He hates his ego being diminished.

He checks out other women in front of me, then denies it. Makes me feel like I am wrong and he’s doing nothing wrong at all.

He doesn’t seem to have much empathy and has a very small amount a patience for our nearly 1 year old. Our son loves me unconditionally and isn’t that keen on my husband. Our son only settles with me and my husband hates this. I think it’s because my son senses it.

He gives me the silent treatment for hours or days at a time after an argument, especially if I was annoyed at him at first, and he’s spun it round on me. He’s so moody and irritable. I’m so tired of it.

Is he a narcissist?

Like I would love to say this is the first time this has happened but in the last year this is how I have been told about 3 deaths in my family, how I was told about a funeral that was for someone I knew at our church and was only told as by the way if you call tomorrow and we don’t answer we are at this person’s funeral, oh you didn’t know? Ya she died a month ago from brain cancer thought we had told you….like this is the crap I have gone numb to. Is it wrong I’m numb to this kind of txt?

My husband absolutely hates me, constantly belittles me, talks down to me and controls every aspect of my life, I have no car (all vehicles are in his name) I have no money (made me quit my job) constantly talks about how he pays for everything and is over it when he was the one that made me quit and won't let me get another job. He does absolutely nothing with the kids besides scream at them, does literally nothing except sit at his computer all day every day, and he's a slob, refuses to clean after himself.

Why does he stay with me if he hates me so much? He tells me all the time he doesn't care what I think or say and it's not his responsibility to make sure I'm okay.

I'm so tired of crying, I wish I could just become cold to all my emotions, I know leaving isn't an option so how do I make the way he treats me everyday not hurt so bad? I know he wouldn't shed a tear if I died right now, so why does this hurt so bad?