Not cheating

You don't. You tell him if he doesn't drop it you will leave and then when he doesn't, because he won't, you leave. You have too much on your plate, do you really need false accusations as well?

A big factor in a relationship is trust. If this is something that is really getting in the way of your relationship I say maybe you both need some time apart to concentrate on yourselves and working on insecurities. I know leaving eachother will hurt but maybe some time away to figure things out will help!

My aunt always told me before she died if they’re always accusing you it’s them 🤷🏽‍♀️

@Demi I don't have insecurities and trust issues, because honestly, "Ain't nobody got time for that." I'm 42 soon to be 43 and I'm tired of the nonsense. I told him he needs therapy. He continuously has dreams of me cheating on him. And I think that feeds into his insecurities and trust issues. I tell him they are not real. I love him. We have been together 9 years. But I think it might be coming to an end because I don't think these accusations are ever going to stop because of his dreams and the people he surrounds himself with. All of his friends have been cheated on by their wives.

@Taja ..Oh I know...this has been brought up in conversation...and he is suspect AF. But I still want to prove to him I'm not...just to prove a point.

@Lesli Everyone always says leave...like it's that easy. We have been together 9 years. I still love him. So I want to try and make things right.

@Jennefer Awh hunni I can’t imagine how stressful it is for you. The only advice I can really give is a break but I know that’s a tough decision to make x

It ultimately is up to him. You can tell him everything in the book and reassure him until you’re blue in the face but if it’s what he wants to believe then he will knit pick every little thing to try and convince himself that he is right. To me it seems as if he feels out of control and he’s trying to manipulate you to feed into that.

@Lesli I am so sorry yall are having to go through that. My boyfriend and I went through this years ago and his reasoning was because I had a promiscuous past. All I can say to that is that I am not that person anymore nor do I have a desire to be. If they are that unhappy with their perceived “faithfulness” from you, I think they would leave if they truly felt that way. We worked through it but it did take a long time for him to lower his walls and trust me. All I ask is that y’all make sure that they are putting as much work into this relationship as y’all are, if they are going to complain so much! If they don’t want to have adult conversations and make compromises and sacrifices they aren’t ready for a relationship.

@Lesli just what I constantly told him was that if I am doing something specifically in this moment that makes him feel like I’m putting myself in a position that I’m not supposed to be in (cheating) to let me know. He never could, it’s just from the past feelings. I also told him that I have never and would never do that to him and I don’t have a reason to do it because I felt secure in our relationship. People really cheat because they are lacking something in their relationship, and I feel that the one worried about getting cheated on may feel like they aren’t showing up like they should and put themselves at risk to get cheated on. I would also ask if he feels like there is anything lacking in the relationship. If you feel like he is getting defensive, tell him that you are only trying to have a conversation to understand and meet his needs, you aren’t trying to put blame or argue. And if he feels if something is lacking, what can the both of you do to get there?

@Lesli .Thanks for that. I'm 42 years old. I never cheated on him, persay. He was in jail for 3 years and I started seeing someone else. But I didn't hide it or lie about it. Nothing and no one is going to keep me from accomplishing my goals. If I have to break up with because he is becoming a distraction then so be it. I have already discussed this with him, and if he doesn't understand that then he doesn't really care about me in the first place and isn't looking at the bigger picture and only wants me around for his own selfish reasons and I would leave because of that. We have taken many breaks before, if we take a break now, it is permanent.

@Dorian Good advice. I legitimately asked him to specifically tell me what I need to do to make him stop thinking I'm cheating. I offered to give him my cell phone. I offered that he could put a tracking device on my car. Whatever or no matter how extreme I said to please do it. Like begged him. His answer is always, that he doesn't have time. I also can't control his dreams. He believes his dreams are so real he wakes up crying and shaking. I also had a promiscuous past, but it is the past. I am SO different now. I am so focused. Sex actually bores me. I also think it is a control thing. He can't stand the idea that he can't know where I am or what I'm doing at every moment. He hates woman and thinks we are all just dumb broads and whores. Yes, I said broads, he is the only person under 70 years old I have heard use that word. He tried to convince me that women cheat more than men. I don't play those games. Show me numbers and facts. He was wrong.

@Jennefer if you ever need to talk you can always dm me! I know it’s not easy to have an ongoing conflict that you personally can’t do anything about.

I agree and think that if someone is constantly accusing you of cheating they are either doing it themselves or they feel they are not doing enough in the relationship that would cause you to cheat on them. Hence, his nightmares. I constantly reassure him that I love him and everything is ok.... just stop accusing me of cheating and work on his temper and tone down the weed smoking. But that isn't good enough. I would hate to end our relationship because of false accusations. But I don't really know what else to do.

You better be carful my x did that to me and come to find out he’s the one cheating on me. Blessed though cuz I met my wonderful husband and going on 15 years strong. ❤️

Is he willing to work through his trauma? If not, then leave him cus he’s not someone you can grow with

@Emily Again..." Just leave your man". I do love him...you know. And he's an amazing man other then a few flaws, like we all have. But these constant accusations are annoying to the point that it gives me anxiety I personally had trauma of my own ( like most people), it was not just hard to get through but just as hard to initially admit. He's a man...I get that it's usually harder for men to phase that they have issues because of their ego and that it has been engraved in them to "be a man" and tough it out. I'm not apart of the man hater club. Therefore I am willing to help him work through it. Good solid relationships take work. It's really strange because I deeply believe it is his dreams that are causing him to feel this way. Plus when I left him when he was in jail it destroyed him. I apologized 1,000 times. He has PTSD from that. He's afraid I'll leave him again. Or he's cheating on me. I'll find out. What's done in the dark always comes to light. Either way, I have some work to do...😒