Struggling

I have 3 kids aged 13, 8 and almost 2. I am struggling a lot at the moment keeping on top of housework, cooking, laundry, etc. I haven’t showered in 5 days, I basically fall into bed at night, my mental health is not good. See my 13 and 8 year old boys argue constantly! It’s endless. From the minute they wake up until bedtime they are teasing, bickering, insulting, and just being mean. My almost 2 year old is just being 2 and is quite high needs, she hangs off me most of the time and still wakes up between 5 and 10 times a night. I live in a big house with 5 bedrooms and 2 living rooms and it’s just stupidly big. I’ve told my husband I want to downsize but he doesn’t want to and he’s hardly even here because he works away half the year in 4 week on and 4 week off slots and he’s quite a selfish person so he doesn’t like to help me much and when he does it’s like ‘oh I’ll organise the mail’ rather than do something that actually needs doing. My days are just cleaning, washing, cooking, sorting fights and the normal mum stuff but I’m feeling so overwhelmed and alone. I don’t have parents because I’m an orphan and I don’t have any siblings. I wish I could go visit my mum and relax a bit or vent to a sister but that’s just impossible. I wish I had any help at all going through this. My health isn’t good either - I developed peripartum cardiomyopathy when I was pregnant with my daughter and am waiting for an MRI to check for MS because I have pretty much all the symptoms of that (but I’m hoping it’s not that and is just stress induced). I was sick with Covid just recently and my house got absolutely trashed. My boys don’t clean and they don’t try to keep what I’ve cleaned neat and tidy. They just throw whatever anywhere. I’ve tried chore charts, talking to them, following them around to make sure they do what they need to do. Bedtimes are the worst because I’ll ask my kids to please go to bed and my eldest will but my youngest will stay up until midnight in defiance. Like every night. I just feel like I am the worst mum ever and I can’t do anything right. I feel like I’m falling apart and nobody knows how bad things are. I just want to give up. Please can someone help me.

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I don’t have much advice but I read what you put and didn’t want to not say anything, I’m sorry to hear your going through all this pretty much alone and that’s the worst feeling, there will be plenty of mums in similar situation as you on here and hopefully they will be able to offer up advice and show you that your not alone… have you told your husband how your really feeling about it all? I know you said you’ve asked him to do stuff and he’s not doing it but have you said that your struggling etc , have you got a daily routine in place where you could do laundry and the main cleaning wise in the morning or the evening, are the 2 older kids at school? You could use the time your home with 2 year old to get through some of the stuff you need to do include her in the chores like it’s fun - and That’s not good about possible ms, I hope it’s not that - my mum has ‘ me’ cfs- it started age 25 with her she had 3 kids to look after similar age to yours during and she was single mum

I'm a SAHM to only one child who's nearly 2, but previously high medical needs and in and out of hospital. I think you're doing amazing with 3, it's a bloody hard job and you can get Mum burnout so easily, plus with your partner working away - I'd tell them how you are feeling. I can't speak from direct experience, but is it feasible to get a cleaner in once a fortnight? Especially with such a big house? Ask for a discount for returning cleaning work. I think getting outside help will be especially important if things are changing health wise for you. Have you heard of Circle of Security? They offer programs around Aus to parents, maybe check with your local community child health nurse as this could be free in your area, and help with managing your relationships with your children. What about reaching out to Ngala and their parenting line? They may have some specific advice and local services in your area to connect with.

Do you have a friend or sitter? So you can just have some time to yourself and refill your cup 💜

Thank you everyone ❤️ I spoke to my partner last night, lots of tears, and we are going to put our daughter into daycare a couple days a week so I can have some time for myself. I feel SO much guilt about it but I just have to find a good centre and do it.

I think that sounds like a good idea, try to think of it as modelling healthy behaviour for your child - it's important for Mum to practice self-care and to look after herself too.

Definitely get a cleaner if you can afford it. Takes off a huge amount of the mental load as well as the physical load. And daycare is a saviour.

Do not feel guilty about childcare or cleaners. Self care is so important. You need it to be able to regulate your emotions and prevent burn out. You will be a better mum if you take care of yourself and your children will also learn the importance of self-care. Childcare is also great for development of social skills. Congrats for seeking support and having the difficult conversations. I met with a psych today to discuss similar challenges and one of the things we discussed is how and when to have these conversations with a spouse. It is just so important

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