Just a rant

I don't have anybody to talk to, I don't have anybody that understands where I'm coming from or what I'm going through. I don't wanna talk because it won't change anything but I feel like im mentally slipping again. I'm so sick and tired of being pregnant, I hate it and what my body is going through, my bf doesn't understand and neither does anybody else. The doctors don't give a shit and every appt is the exact same and everything is fine. I don't trust the doctors at all, I don't trust getting induced or c section or anything that has to do with labor, doctors and hospitals. Im stupid for having this kid when I didn't want to have it in the first place but I kept her so my bf wouldn't leave if I got an abortion. I don't want to be a shitty person and leave I couldn't do that so I'm not stuck with being a mom. Idk how to get use to that. I just want her to pop out already, I just want my water to break so I can deal with labor, birth and get post partum over with. I don't want to keep destroying my mental health because of this and what's expected of me as a pregnant woman. I'm so tired and I'm in pain and I'm emotional. My everything is hurting, and I feel like I have nobody. I hope to God I go into labor sometime soon. I'm loosing my brain trying to figure out what works to start labor and what doesn't.