Help! 7 yr Kid peed on couch intentionally
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@sidra me and my husband both agree that spanking causes her to act out like this, and have deeper emotional issues. I definitely wouldn’t do that I just also can’t allow the behavior like this. It’s a hard contradiction, I agree she needs a therapist but we just found out her insurance doesn’t work in other states since it’s the Florida state Medicaid. And Utah doesn’t take it except at ER. But I also can’t keep living with a kid who’s gonna pee on my couch like this 😭
growing up, me and my siblings would get spanked for doing things that shouldn’t have been done or if we didn’t do something that needed to be done, for us, we learned but later on when we got older when the spanking stopped but the yelling started, it felt like “well the more you yell at me to do it, the more it makes me not want too” if my parents would just ask nicely and been like “hey if you get the chance can you please do the dishes” we’d do them. listen to your kids, hear them out, and discuss the situation and figure out what you can do to help but then you need to set boundaries for them to understand like hey this wasn’t okay, but the bathroom needs to be a priority if you gotta go:)
@Serina she definitely knows how and when to use the bathroom, and we don’t yell at them at our house, that’s how it was for me growing up too. Issue is when we ask her why she did it ( it wasn’t accidental, like she just didn’t make it to bathroom, she stayed there and did it on purpose) she trips over her self to give reason after reason, I think that’s because at home she gets really harsh punishments for stuff and no one hears her so she’s used to just talking and talking to find something the adult will be okay with and will mean she won’t have any consequences
it’s definitely going to be hard but she is 7 and knows what’s wrong and what’s right what’s not supposed to be done etc etc, it’s more of trying to meet in the middle which is honestly hard sometimes, but we always gotta try
She also seems pretty bad at talking and explaining her thoughts, way worse than her sister who’s 2 years younger, so I’m not sure if she may have some learning issue or delay that makes it hard for her to gather her thoughts and make coherent sentences.
@Serina yeah it’s frustrating since she’s old enough to not do this, especially since I feel that we treat them much better than she’s treated at home and they act out so much anyways. We try very hard to listen to what bothers them and understand vs yelling or spanking etc, at home the 7 year old tends to get away with everything because she tells everyone it was her 5 year old sister and no one double checks what really happened. So I’m Naldo wondering if the oldest is resentful that she actually gets consequences at all here, and we listen to them equally for anything that happens.
I’m also *
@Ariel ever had her tested? my oldest brother is autistic and is 26 and uses the bathroom on himself and has throughout his whole life honestly, but we didn’t have an issue with it cause he stopped then we moved and we all argued a lot and he just started doing it one day and he also has a hard time saying what needs to be said or he tells us but mumbles and isn’t very clear on what he wants but growing up with him, we as siblings understand him so clearly cause we learned to understand what he’s saying. does she have any obvious traits like lining up her toys and such?? or maybe she has asperger’s syndrome, it’s a more higher functioning autism kind of
Get her to clean it. She's 7. When my 9yr old pees all over the toilet floor I make him clean the whole toilet. He hardly does it now. When she sees how much effort it is to clean everything and she has to do it she might think twice next time.
The way I see it is that she acting out and maybe she feels like she isn’t getting much attention and these acts are for you to pay attention to her even if it’s for a couple mins. I would make her clean it and gently explain why we don’t pee on couches (even is she is 7years old) she’s 7 not a grown up so let stop thinking about how a 7 year old should act. Change is hard at any age and some might even have a hard time then others. And the fact she gets hit can also have a lot to do with her attitude. Unless this is something that keeps going on for a few months I wouldn’t say there’s anything wrong with the child. When I was a kid my parents argued a lot and then I had two younger siblings and then we moved I was about 6 and I went back to peeing myself and my bed for about 3years I actually had to wear diapers in school and I might have been old enough to know better but because of my Surroundings my mind went back to thinking like I was 2 because that was when I felt safest.
@Serina I think she should be tested but this is the first summer they’ve been with us, and her insurance only works in her home state until we can get them added to my and my husbands. Her mother doesn’t think anything is wrong with her, but she shows a lot of signs of being neurodivergent in some way.
@Alana def having her clean it today.
@Sara the potty thing is a long term problem, she’s struggled with night time potty training because she gets severely punished for being wet at her other house. So she wets the bed and then stays in her wet clothes and bed all night and tried to not let anyone find out in morning. I definitely think it’s a larger issue, but she did tell us she did it on purpose. She’s very clear on when she has an accident because she didn’t make it to the bathroom vs sitting on the couch and peeing on purpose. We aren’t being harsh with her, just baffled as to why anyone would purposefully pee on furniture and stay in wet clothes even though it must be so uncomfortable. I am just trying to find the root issue here, I am sure there must be bigger problems then she just decided to do it randomly.
Her father is also type 1 diabetic and even though she is still negative the wetting at night could be the start of diabetes
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I agree with medical screening to rule out a developmental delay or other factor. The fact that she stayed in the wet clothes and can't communicate about the incident seem to suggest a deeper root problem than simple incontinence it intentional sabotage of your furniture.
This is so frustrating. Good on you for keeping your cool and taking the time to calmly find a solution. I think it’s so easy to feel like older children know better and therefore act out to be spiteful, but it’s totally possible to make bad choices and not be mean spirited about it. Unless it keeps happening, I’d say try to give her the benefit of the doubt that she wasn’t trying to be resentful. Having new babies around is hard for everyone and acting out during the transition is such a normal kid experience. I would try to focus more on finding what specifically the unmet need is (whether that’s more one on one time or even just being babied a little-cuddled, coddled, rocked, etc) and addressing that.
s far as a natural consequence, YES. Focus on meeting her unmet need but still set a boundary for what is acceptable behavior. Personally, I’d have her not sit on the couch for awhile. It might not seem like a huge deal, but if you can’t use something properly, you can’t use it. Obviously just my opinion. 🤷♀️ Good luck whatever you decide. And sorry this is supppperr long. Lol
@Danielle that is what we ended up doing, we treated like any other object (if you can’t use it properly you can’t use it at all) etc
Why she stays in wet clothes? Embarrassment. Finding the best way to help her feel comfortable when she's embarrassed well be a big help here. I agree that having her learn to clean it up can help with understanding the responsibility and a natural consequence that would be better to focus on while trying to ease her embarrassment. My daughter occasionally was having issues where she didn't make it to the bathroom on time - barely made it to standing up - because she was too focused on wanting to finish playing or watching her show, etc. Yes she may have done it on purpose, but is that just the way she's worrying it because she didn't want to get up yet and thought she's be okay for a bit? I don't think this one sounds like a resentment action?
This is a deeper issue, especially with the mom spanking. I wouldn’t take it personally, I think she needs a lot of love and care and possibly a therapist. I don’t think she’s jealous of your toddler but absolutely no intentional hurting allowed!