Relationship rant / advice? long post
I'm not sure if anyone can really give me advice here, but I'm gonna lay out what's gone on and how I'm feeling and other factors.
So my partner and I found out I was pregnant early on into the relationship (back in 2024), and at the start of this year we had a massive talk where I said I feel like it's got alot to do with the current distance and tension between us. It was something I was worried about initially.
Now by distance and tension, I'm on about the slow decline we have gone through. It started about my 3rd trimester, and him and I both agreed alot was to do with my mental health as someone with severe C-PTSD and a disability that stems from it. This is something I have been actively working on getting help for. We also agreed that he had faults too, and overall it became a bad cycle of us both feeling like the other wasn't doing enough, and negative emotions building up against eachother. Alot of it was to do with me feeling him start to decline In the ways he showed love. I could feel his positivity draining almost, and he would never talk about it. Always said his mental health wasn't the best and shut it down.
This was through postpartum, all of 2025, we finally discussed it at the start of 2026, but it was along the lines of "we can't carry on like this, and we both have felt clocked out of this relationship, but we don't want to end the relationship because we still love eachother and want the same things".
So we agreed to start actively communicating, trying to make changes because we want to get back to what we were.
But I can not stop stressing, and thinking about how much my other half brought up how he's got everything figured out for if we end things. He was very clear on saying that he had clocked out to the point of not hating the idea of co-parenting, and even started taking about us salvaging things after a break up, it was alot. Really confusing. And just felt like he was trying to end things right there. But when I asked him if that's what he wanted he told me he will never be the one to end the relationship...
Now, its been a couple months, he expressed his poor mental health, I advised he go see a therapist and even offered to help him with this process. I've picked up where I need to, I've started getting more help, recently I've taken on most of the housework after studies too. And he seems happier, keeps telling me things are better but now I'm the one feeling like it's never going to change. He still hasn't started the process of getting help after promising me he would, I told him its integral to this relationship. That I'm stepping out of my comfort zone time and time again for the sake of him, us and our son, and I expect the same from him. There's also little things I brought up that mattered to me that he just isn't doing, whereas everything he brought to me I have taken on board and apply daily.
I can't tell if it's the poorer side of my mental health being as negative as it always is, or if after the conversation and some other things he has told me, I've started to lose the want to mend things. Its gnawing at me, I feel like we have switched roles and I just don't know what to do. I'm waiting on therapy to get back to me with my appointment dates. I'm waiting on the consultation for medication, and I'm putting 110% into this relationship whilst I feel like he's doing less. And I know physical appearance isn't something that should matter so much, but I've been really looking after myself, putting in the effort not just for him but for me, yet I'm watching him let go of himself. Which yeah, mental illness does that to a person, but as I mentioned he's not doing anything to help himself. There is only so much I can do.
Most of me feels like it's my fault. That in trying to heal whilst in an active relationship and post-partum I've caused all of this. But a small part of me feels like that's an unfair take.
Wtf- husband edition
The past 2.5 months or so, I’ve been the primary night time (and daytime) caretaker of our 5 month old. I feed him formula before bed, then breast feed him on demand throughout the night. Before, we’d have shifts through the night in different beds so each of us could get sleep. My husband started sleeping in the same bed as us around that time and he’s moves aggressively in his sleep and snores. As you can imagine, I don’t get much sleep. The only time I get uninterrupted sleep is for 4-5 hours in the morning when the baby sitter gets here. Meanwhile my husband sleeps 6-7 hours each night, no problem.
Tonight, I told him I really needed alone time and sleep for my mental health. He agreed and offered to take the baby and try to put him to sleep.
Knowing our child, I told him some of the different things to try to get him calm or keep him calm. The quickest way being to get in a warm shower with him. He agreed.
So why did I have to listen to my baby crying for about 45 minutes??? I tried to let my husband figure things out but eventually I couldn’t take it anymore. I got out of bed and went and asked if he put the baby in the shower and he said “no, that takes too much effort”.
WHAT??
I do bath time almost every day!! He has done bath time ONCE in the five months.
I asked for just a couple of hours to myself to sleep and he can’t do whatever it takes so baby isn’t crying so I can sleep??
I’m livid.
I ended up taking our son. He just fell asleep on the boob and, of course, my husband came and fell asleep too. Somehow I’m the only one awake after I asked for much needed sleep.
I know arguing won’t help but I’m so upset. I just needed to vent and maybe cry.
