Emotionally dsyregulated

My 2.5 year old has always been very emotionally intelligent, she’s able to express her feelings and even came out of the tantrum phase quickly because she talks in full sentences and she was able to regulate her emotions a lot more effectively with the tools I’ve provided her i.e deep breathing, cuddles etc.

However, saying that, now that we’re approaching 3 years old in June, I’ve found that my daughter has been having a lot more emotional meltdowns which include screaming at the top of her lungs, crying, not being able to calm herself down like she used to and even wanting to scratch the sofa and my legs which she has never ever done before. She’s able to scream at me what she’s feeling (sad, angry, frustrated) but she now cannot seem to calm herself down. I offer cuddles which she doesn’t want because she gets so worked up and today the only thing that made her stop was seeing me start to cry. We ended up crying together and calmed down together whilst we cuddled but we both felt bloody miserable consoling each other. I just feel like I’ve failed her in some way because she’s sort of regressed and I just don’t know how to handle her anymore other than to cry with her.

I don’t think boys go through this (correct me if I’m wrong) but any girl mums out there, are you going through something similar with your daughters?

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Boys definitely go through it, every toddler does. Really hard but completely natural and important/normal developmentally. She’s learning and so are you! But it’s a very challenging time😵‍💫

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My daughter went through a bad phase of meltdowns. She would have awful night terrors waking in a full tantrum and taking about 45 minutes to calm down. Waking every night having one for about a week. Then on and off over months.

She would have tantrums at the slightest thing during the day.

I must admit I think she went through this phase mega early for her age. I think was about 2y 3or4m. It was however a phase THANK GOD and she has calmed down.

I think it is a phase and she will grow out of it. Girls are wild though all of my friends have boys and none of them have been like my daughter with the tantrums. My friends daughter is the same. Girl tantrums are feral 🤣🤣

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We are going through this right now! She's constantly tired too which really doesn't help as generally she's a bubbly little character. To throw in the mix I had her baby sister on Friday so I think she's feeling mega emotional. I find it really hard seeing her so dysregulated 😔

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Mine is going through the exact same thing.
She would be like your little one, very advanced speech and communication skills, so being able to talk through her tantrums have a cuddle and then talk about why she can’t have or something was the norm. Now though!!! She throws herself around, she’s started hitting herself in the face when she’s crying having a tantrum or if I ask what’s wrong she screams her answers to me.
She’s very good when I say go lay down for 5 mins, she will go into her room scream thrash around and then come back in and say “I’m not angry any more” and we cuddle. But that inbetween is so scary because you’re just 😥🤷🏻‍♀️
I’ve been so smug to myself that she’s generally very good and last week she lay on the ground outside the shops and rolled around on the ground because she didn’t want to go home.
Hoping it passes sooner rather than later!

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Oh man, it’s nice to hear from other mums going through the same thing. I really felt like I was doing something wrong. It’s only going to get worse once my second baby is here in 7 weeks. Just have to ride it out I guess, like you all 🥲

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My boy Goes through this

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How do you react when he has a meltdown? It seems any attention I give mine feeds into the meltdown and makes it worse. But equally, ignoring her also makes it worse

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I think Motherhood has made me more bitter than I realized…

This is such a ramble but I don’t know where else to put it all.

I’m four months in and I don’t really have hobbies right now. I don’t do anything for myself except maybe doomscrolling or listening to a podcast while I breastfeed my baby. I used to craft and have game nights with friends. Activities that usually are at least 2 hour stretches. Now if I have an hour free my mind immediately goes to baby, or doing something in the house for baby.

And I thought I didn’t mind. Like I knew postpartum could be very mentally consuming. But I think it’s altering how I view people around me and it’s prodding at my relationship with my husband.

He spends most of his time making food for us, looking after our dogs, playing with the baby, ect. But he still has time for his hobby. Spends maybe an hour a night on it. Even adapted to using a bot for shopping for his hobby after a certain incident where we had to have a heart to heart after he left me home alone with the baby for hours during a busy workday (I work from home) to shop for his hobby.

And yet there’s like this little green eyed monster in me that rages every time I know he’s running off to start up the bot. Even though I’m the reason he does it this way.

We took a family trip last weekend to see his best friend and their kids and let them meet the baby. He brought the laptop. He’s always brought a laptop on trips and it’s never been a problem to me before. But one night we both woke up while the baby was still asleep, and he wandered out of the room. I tried to fall back asleep but couldn’t. So I went to the kitchen to try having something warm to drink to settle me. And he was there at the table running the bot from his laptop. I flipped out at him. But there really wasn’t reason to. It’s not like I needed help with the baby and he was ignoring me. He wasn’t avoiding our friends. He was just awake and unable to sleep and found something to do with his time. Yet my snap reaction was “why the hell would you do this on a family trip?”

I don’t know what it is. Maybe it’s the less complete sleep from baby’s middle of the night feed? My brain being just consumed by baby? Maybe I’m not as over that shopping incident as I thought? But I’m just so annoyed at his hobby right now. The green eyed monster thinks “you could be using that time differently” but realistically to do what exactly??? Stare at our baby in the dark???

I spent probably an hour apologizing to him after I snapped. And he’s of course hurt and frustrated because I said some very mean things in the moment.

I don’t want to be this jealous, angry person. But I also don’t know how to find time for myself in this right now outside of basic hygiene. It’s like I’ve forgotten how to be myself, even if just for an hour.

Maybe I need a therapist.

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