Partial Molar Pregnancy/GTD

Hi, love. Multiple comments ahead. Let me start by saying that I’m so sorry that I’m reading this post. You will hear so many “I’m sorry”s over the next few months and if you’re anything like me, it will start to drive you crazy. The first thing I want you to know is that it is okay to grieve this little life— no matter how short. This was something that I worried about after mine— grieving over a life that was so short. But what people do not understand is that from the moment that you find out that you’re expecting, you imagine this entire life ahead of you. When that ends, for whatever reason, grief is necessary. I had my PMP in May of 2022. It absolutely wrecked me. My first pregnancy. I had spotting for 9 weeks until I was diagnosed. I was told for 9 weeks that it was just implantation bleeding, but my gut kept telling me something else was going on. Every time I went to hear the heartbeat they told me that my due date was off and I was too early—

Hi Rachel; so sorry you’re going through this. Can be a bit traumatic . 10 years ago I had a partial mole which resulted in me being in Charing Cross hosp for a week then having to have chemo for 4 months or so. Didn’t realise how rare it was until now tbh, I still think about it a lot. Sending lots of love ❤️ My diagnosis was called Choriocarcinoma

I eventually found an amazing OB that could recognize the rarity of a molar pregnancy. I had a d+c to remove all of the excess tissue. It was my first surgery. I was scared to death. I, like you, felt so isolated and lonely. I had so many moments of “why me?” Because with a molar, there are so many “what ifs?” They call it the never ending miscarriage and at times it does feel like that. It’s not something you get to move past quickly. I had weekly blood work to check my HCG levels for a few months (thankfully mine fell quickly and I didn’t have a GTD scare at all), that transitioned to monthly blood draws. By February of the following year I was finally cleared to start trying to conceive again— knowing that my chances of this happening again were higher than someone who had never had one— something else that made me very bitter. I was terrified and almost made the decision to not have any biological children because the process of this my miscarriage was so grueling—

My husband— who was a wonderful supporter— gave me space to process and make that decision. But I want to share with you something that my OB said to me during that February appointment. He could sense that I was still grieving and the thought of being pregnant again was terrifying to me. He said, “I know that this is scary. But this was just a fluke. There is nothing wrong with you, or your husband. Every pregnancy has a 20% chance of ending in a miscarriage. I say this to encourage you to try again. I hope that I see you back here soon.” I’ll never forget that conversation. I pondered what he said for months. By Summer, I was coming around to the idea of potential trying again. By August 2023, I had the faintest pregnancy test. I text my OB, and he immediately started blood work to watch my HCG levels— to see if they were rising at a normal amount. Those first few weeks were so hard. I buried myself in work (I’m a teacher) to try and distract myself.

I prayed everyday that my 8 week appointment would give a different result than my last one. I had a severe panic attack in the office that day, almost passing out on the table before my ultrasound. To make a long story short(er), I go for my induction tomorrow to welcome my little rainbow baby. I have said all of this, shared my really long story, to say this: I know the darkness that you feel right now. I know that this feels never ending. I know the sadness. I know the grief. I know the anger. I know the hurt. But please, please, please, don’t give up hope. Despite being terrified, don’t be scared. Grieve for what you have lost, but don’t let it bitter you to the entire process of bringing life into this world. I almost did— I almost hid away and never returned. If I had, I would have missed out on some really beautiful moments. I still talk to my first little baby, let them know that I think of them every day. I know that they have watched over me and their little sibling—

Don’t be afraid to talk about it. To share how you’re feeling. To cry. To scream. To be angry. But keep moving forward, despite feeling like you’ll never get anywhere. I remember feeling like my life was over, but I’ve been given so much peace through the growing process over the past 2 years, that I feel like I can finally breathe again. I don’t know you. But I see you. I hear you. I am praying for you. And every other momma going through the same thing. It gets better. I PROMISE you that it does. But it will get better on your own timeline— not anyone else’s. Last piece of advice that I couldn’t have made it without— make sure you love and trust your OB. They will be such a rock for you moving forward. Much love, sweetheart. 🩷

Thank you so much @Kaitlyn Thompson and @Kashani I really appreciate your kind words and sharing your own difficult experiences with this. I too am also so sorry that you have had to experience this and am truly grateful to you for responding to my post. It is so nice to hear from people who have also already gone through this. It’s early in my journey, but it’s definitely encouraging to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Sending love and light to everyone in this group ✨

Hi Rachel, I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through this too. I just searched for molar pregnancy in the forums and this came up as I had surgery for a missed miscarriage in January (I should have been 13 weeks) and had a phone call from the hospital this morning to say test results showed it was a partial molar pregnancy. I didn’t even know what this was and have spent all day googling! How are you doing? Have you had any follow-up tests done yet?