bd does nothing. i don’t know what to do.

to put a long story short, i didn’t know i was pregnant until i was in labour which was quite a shock to both me and my boyfriend. due to having a baby, we both got kicked out of the studio we shared in a uni accommodation and i had to move back in with my mum. he doesn’t like staying here so rarely does, and when he does stay he doesn’t do any feeds or nappy changes, doesn’t help me with his washing or bathing him. quite literally does fuck all. the only time he will do anything is when we go to his mums, but even then he has done about 6 night feeds in the whole three months (he didn’t do a single thing in hospital either). i really do love him but it breaks my heart that he won’t help me. he says it’s a result of the shock, the reason for why he can’t do anything and he feels no connection to his son but i just don’t know wether continuing the relationship is even worth it. i feel like a single parent in a relationship and i think that might be worse than just straight up being a single parent. he says he’ll get better as time goes on but i don’t know how much longer i can go on like this. what do i do???

Show your support

I think you need to sit down and have a proper conversation. You've both gone through something incredibly life changing with no warning. You've had to rush about to get things for your baby. Your living situation has changed and it sounds like he's in limbo. You need to properly talk about how to do things, how to share roles and how he can be involved aswell with baby. Its not just about changing nappies it's about him holding your baby, giving them cuddles, just talking to them. If he can't even do that then you need to have a deeper talk about the relationship. Just take it one step at a time. I can't imagine how crazy the past few months have been. I wish you all the best

@Emily - Jade thank you so much. i’ve tried a sit down talk many a times. he says he just can’t do anything. including just being there with him. he had him by himself for one night and i woke up to about 20 missed calls and texts telling me to come and get him and he doesn’t want him and what not. it’s just so hard. i can see that he does care at times, he just has no idea how to handle his emotions with it all.

I think it’s easy to say it’s a shock for him but it was for you too and you’re still looking after baby! If you were to leave him, just remember that you’re already doing everything by yourself. So it would be no different or harder. In fact, it might be easier for you because you know that you don’t have ‘possible help’. You’re expecting him to help you but he doesn’t so he’s adding more stress. You won’t have those expectations anymore and you’ll just get on with it because you know you’re the only person who baby has to care for them!

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌