mil

i’ve needed to rant to someone for ages about this. i gave birth to my beautiful wee girl in dec 2023, my mil (and fil) had helped buy things for our wee one ( which i was perfectly happy with even when they bought a lot of her firsts!, clothes, toys etc). when i had went into labour my mil had said to my partner that she was able to help in anyway that she could (she lives about 45mins-1hr away) after i had gave birth we had phoned them immediately to show them, the first people to ever see her that is apart from me and my partner. the next day she came up to the hospital and i was a mess, no one warned me about baby blues and i just wanted my comfort people around so i had left before they arrived so they wouldn’t see me in the state i was in. my baby was also under the light for jaundice which was much more difficult to deal with esp as a ftm. the next day my mil phones my partner up and has a huge rant about how she wasn’t in the delivery room!! she had wanted to be apart of my own special moment and had made it all about her because she wanted to be in the room when my child was born. she then started moaning about how she should of been considering everything she had done for my child and my partner during pregnancy. and now after so many many arguements and her treating me horribly since my child has been born she is now not allowed to see my child until she is old enough to make her own decisions and i will stand by that. am i the wrong one in this situation? there is more to it than what i have put here but i have already said so much so didn’t want to make it too long :)

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It sounds like they thought they were paying not for things but to be included 100%.

Sending you so much love and just want you to know that others are in similar situations to you also. I felt like I was the only one having trouble with my MIL which also led to her now not seeing my daughter it will be a year next month since they last saw her and I do sometimes question if my daughter will not be happy with my choice when she gets older however I had nothing but trouble form my MIL even physical threats in the end enough was enough. I was so glad to find this group to see how many others have awful MIL stories to tell. You know your daughter best you need to do what’s right for you and your family. X

I think you no need to worry about that and don’t blaming yourself and feel guilty about anything. Your mental health always come first because you just give birth and try to be the best mom. I think sometimes you just need to let it go and time will help everything. Please give credit to yourself that you try you best for your family. It was similar to my situation too I was feel guilty that i didn’t do thing that people want me to do. But I found that Say Yes to people and Say No to yourself is not how I deal with. And I stop and just focused on myself, my baby and my husband. Luckily my husband is super supportive me whatever my decision. Good luck and congratulations 🩷

You were pushing a tiny human out of your body, the only person who gets to choose who is in that delivery room is you. You and your baby’s needs are number one in those moments, not managing someone else’s ego. Also if she wants to play stupid games around her expectations and not communicate clearly then she’s about to win stupid prizes. Hopefully you’re getting the support and back up you need from your partner.

Why do these women crone on about not being at the delivery? I swear it’s a power play. I’m having trouble really imagining that in their mind they feel right to ask to watch another woman give birth.

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