Tired 💔

Imma vent here cause even I speak with my parents, my therapist and my friend I still feel a sadness inside of me and I feel super bad when I cry cause I know the baby feel it. I started dating this guy (let’s call him B) last year, we met in Playa del Carmen, we both from another countries, im from Argentina and he is from the states. After 2 months dating I got pregnant (also I’m 25 and he is 36) I decided to keep it cause even I’m in favor for abortion I wouldn’t do it, it’s not who I’m. He is like “okey you wanna keep it it’s fine we can figure out” I was working at this store back in Playa, out of nowhere they fired all us and close that store (I was 2 months pregnant by the time) and here in Mexico if you don’t have a Mexican residence you don’t get good jobs, it’s work 8-10 hours for 300 u$d the month. So I was searching searching searching and he comes like “oh hey I don’t want you to work a lot of hours cause I see that you are pucking 3-4 times a day, your energy it’s super low” just help me with the house and I take care of the main stuff, I was okey sure perfect. Now coming to the present time (I’m 36 weeks), almost a month ago we moved to Mexico City because he said he had more job opportunities here (he is a DJ) and we been struggling since we got here with a place to stay, we stayed in 3 different places till I found an apartment to rent at least for 3 months so I can at least have a place to have to baby and then we can move and all the stress got us fighting a lot he started saying to me that he never wanted the baby, that he wished I aborted it, but now he has to be responsible for 3 people that he was better when he was by himself, WHEN IN THE MOMENT WE FOUND OUT I WAS PREGNANT I WAS LIKE “hey if you wanna be participate cool, if you don’t want it’s fine too, at the end of the day it’s my body and my baby” He started saying me all the stuff he couldn’t say to me all those months living back in Playa, and what happen? We go to the usual check for the baby, it happens that I’m at risk of prepartum. I started to dilate at 33 weeks, a lot of meds, the doctor told me full recovery like no walking, no stairs, no nothing, just stay in bed. He started complaining of all the pills he had to buy for me, all the doctors appointments he had to pay. I get it he is the one who works, and he tells me I’m lazy when he knows my working situation even I searched heavens and earth for an online job here or in the states and for both I need residence of course, when I tried on fiverr, on freelancer and all those pages, I’m the one cooking and cleaning all the time cause of course he is the one working (4 days of the week only 4/6 hours). But I’m the lazy, the ungrateful and the mean, when I been alone the whole pregnancy cause he been traveling around, I don’t have no one here in Mexico City, at least I had some friends back in Playa, the situation in my country sucks for my friends and family to send me money cause I only receive the 50% of what they send me and he also always reminding me that “even your parents can’t help you” I’m really tired, I have a past of suicide behaviors and severe depression cause some stuff that happened in my childhood and the least I want right now it’s to be depressed, to be sad. My mom also lost her first baby at 25 years old like me and she was 8 months and a half pregnant, so that resonates in my head a lot too. I feel like it’s a lot to be living right now just by myself.. Im sorry it’s too long I just needed this.