Feeling unproductive

I am having a 4 month old baby and I feel same! I am used to doing things for my work and my art… I don’t have time for anything. I admire you that you also have time to cook! My husband usually cook for us. If baby sleeps I am eating, pumping or cleaning bottles. I really want to be with baby but I also miss being productive in my own way. It is just my husband and me, we don’t have anybodies help. I am in similar boat, I don’t have idea what is solution…

Also, you two are so cute! I love the outfit!

Yes, I think sooo many sahms can absolutely relate. You Have to change your perception on what you're already bringing to the table. The amount of hours and money you would have to spend to hire someone to do what you're doing 24/7 is next level. Appreciate that! I worked for 2 years after my son was born and I had nooo help. I was anxiety ridden just so busy and trying to keep up with being the best employee and the best mom. Well, when I knew one of them would have to give, I knew it was employment. Kids need their mamas. Especially in this world today! Sending my kids off to be raised by strangers or the government. Absolutely not! Your baby will be a much better human for it. And that is IRREPLACABLE VALUE 🧡 It's hard to switch your brain about it. I struggled with it until a little over a year ago when I realized this is the very best thing for my family and my sons future. And while I'm ABSaOLUTELY BLESSED that my husband works hard enough to allow me to stay home. He is also BLESSED

Knowing his wife is the one to raise up the village and truly bring care, life, love, and femininity into the home.

@Sanja ya pumping takes way too much time! I tried to get that going but it never really worked for me so I just EBF- no bottles, but that means I wake up all night to feed the baby and can barely be away from him :/

@Sanja aww 🥰 thank you!! I put that on him for his 7 months pics 😃

@Darci very well said! I have to put like affirmations on the mirror or something and be cheesy. What we’re doing is enough!

@Sanja also, it’s great that your husband cooks! That’s awesome! My husband works too much and is also studying for a new certification right now so unfortunately he can’t do much else :/

@Valeria I literally just brought that productive energy into my home. Started a mini garden, learned to cook outside of my comfort zone, slowly redecorate my home, go on walks and hikes with my kids so that it truly feels like that safe and happy place for all of us. Sahm life is hard work! Especially when you do find your groove in it. Do what makes you sane too! You'll figure it out. Its just hard to completely change the way we think about contentment, success and productivity. The woman's presence in the home is unmatched. You got this! Find good friends to remind you of that, too. 🥰🧡

Hang in there! It's an adjustment. Know your worth and you deserve a break too! I was running myself ragged until I accepted that what I do is enough. Now I ask for help with the house and kids. It's not perfect but things will get better.

Have you thought about working from home? On Instagram is where you're better to find the tutors, but there are loads of different courses you can do with these tutors and they can show you how to make money from home. The only issue is that you have to usually either invest and buy a product if it's high ticket marketing, or if you learn a commissions job, you usually have to pay for the course and pay for your advertisements. But you get a commission every time someone buys from your adverts. Might sound like a scam but I've looked into absolutely every job you can do from home and I haven't found better than these. One of my favourites is the online travel agent job and there is a hell of a lot of perks. You have to have a stable income for most. I don't have that so I haven't started any of these, however I'm eagerly waiting for the day that I can. It may look like a scam but it's true. Just make sure you can tell the difference between a scam or not. But I believe in a lot of this stuff xx

Not sure this is helpful, but am offering a non-US perspective. In the UK standard maternity leave is 12 months and in other European countries it is even longer. Maybe looking at other countries/cultures to see how they approach early parenting could help you escape the productivity trap. Also reading about how important early attachment & bonding is for your child’s future development, wellbeing etc. You both look really happy & healthy in that photo 🥰 Also look for others in your local area to socialise with during the daytime. Here in the UK there are informal playgroups for example.

@Darci yes I do what I can in the home and outside, but I don’t have a car RN since my husband uses it for work, so we’re pretty limited. But we go on walks every day somewhere around the neighborhood. I don’t have a garden unfortunately since I live in an apartment. I mean I like the house and kid activities but it’s so ingrained in me that somehow that doesn’t count, but I have to change my thinking on that.

@Erica that’s great that you have help! I’m definitely running thin since my kid wakes up all night and I have no one to watch him for me during the day time even for an hour.

@Abi I’m a teacher so in principle I can work online without a problem, but without anyone to watch my baby, how can I? I can’t be in a class while my baby needs attention. And even other jobs I have no time for because caring for the baby and the house keeps me busy all day.

@Maeve yes! 🙌 it’s so much more humane in other countries. I’m from Russia and they also get at least 1 year maternity leave and we’re not expected to be working right after having a baby, which would really help with my mindset. In the U.S. it feels like almost all women are working, whether outside the home or WFH jobs. Being a SAHM isn’t valued here unfortunately. But I know it also just comes from my own constant pressure on myself.

You're right that being a SAHM isn't valued, but that is because of the way our capitalist system is built to value generating income above all else. It's also because we live in a male dominated society so traditionally female forms of labor are de-valued. You know you do a lot of work all day as a SAHM, if you were a teacher the work product is even similar, creating future adults who are educated and mentally healthy. I could get more up on my soapbox talking about the history of feminism that aimed to bring women a choice, not force us all into the traditional labor market, but I'll spare you that 🙂

@Carolyn oh I’m there with you 100%! Women were also fighting to pay women for being SAHMs. That battle needs to return. Obviously it’s a job and the most important one in the world! I mean if mom or another family member isn’t doing it, then someone would have to be paid to do it. It is seriously a shame to what extent it’s not valued, especially in the U.S. We don’t even get a guaranteed maternity leave.

I just want to say that we are on the same boat! And I’m sure a lot of other moms can relate as well. I also have absolutely no help, and completely forgot about myself . At the end of the day I feel like I’m not enough, i feel like I’m a mom and that’s it. I miss working and miss feeling productive. But I try my best to remind myself that being a mom is a non replaceable job compared to everything else. And at the end, I hope we really look back and be proud of our decision of staying home instead of working. Sending a big hug 🤗