MIL telling ppl we're pregnant, now I have to go see her, help

I'm 7+ weeks now and at 6 weeks we told our immediate families we were pregnant and asked them to keep a secret until we announced at 12 weeks. Come to find out from my partners cousin that MIL has been making phone calls to extended family sharing the news. Honestly she's not even my MIL bc we're not married, we've been together 7+ years, she's always been ego driven. She plays no role in my partners life but every six months complains he doesn't love her enough. Every year he is pressured to travel cross country for a family vacation (his siblings are local to MIL and very close, she has 8 other grandkids). I've missed a few years of the vacation bc of illness last year and I was in grad school before that. Since year two she's been saying I keep her son away from her, in all 7 years she's only visited us once and left early. A few years back I told my partner he needs to deal with her when she is acting up, so he did message her and tell her he feels disrespected she's sharing our news and to stop. She told him he was overreacting. The family vacation is in two weeks, I've been super nauseous w FTM woes and am looking for advice going into this family vacation. I personally want to keep as much distance as possible, she will definitely sense that and I'm worried start back up on the gossip train of how I'm hard to deal with. Any suggestions?

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just personally wouldn’t tell her anything. i have to do the same with my MIL and my partner respects that cus i’ve got disrespected too many times. just don’t let her ruin your pregnancy journey x

Do we have the same mil😂😂 she’s not really my mil bc we aren’t married but we told my in-laws around 10/11 weeks I believe and next thing I knew my nana sent me a message saying that my mil was telling a ton of people at a football game. So my nana told her “I don’t think hope wants everyone to know yet since she hasn’t posted it, maybe keep it to yourself” mil told her that it was fine if she tells people. I regret telling mil before telling my dad (I tried meeting up with him for weeks to tell him😂) because I had a gut feeling she’d tell everyone (like she did) and it’d get back to my dad before I could tell him. She loves making everyone else’s news about her. In-laws lived with us till I was 7 months and I was like they aren’t leaving so we gotta leave type situation. But I avoided her most of the time, I was a CNA that worked nights and so I’d work all night and sleep all day. I’d even pick up other shifts because I dreaded coming home and seeing her.

Do you want to go on the vacation? If you don't want to go, it's OK not to. You are pregnant and not feeling well. Those are good enough reasons. Telling others without your permission is definitely disrespectful, and it is a big deal. Accusing you of trying to keep her son away from her also sounds like a huge toxicity red flag. I'm very glad your partner agrees and is on your side. If you decide you want to go, remember that your in laws probably see that she's toxic. If I'm right about that, her gossip is probably just going to make her look bad, especially if you're on the vacation obviously being nice to her other children and their significant others. They will see who's actually nice in the end (you) and who is relishing drama (her).

Oof, I’m sorry! My MIL also had issues with boundaries and our final straw was when I specifically asked her to not share about our pregnancy (toddler told her by accident) and a week later, my husband got a call from FIL (they’re divorced) upset because MIL had told everyone and people on FIL side found out before we told them 🤦🏼‍♀️ I hadn’t even told my family yet and strangers were congratulating us because of MIL. Husband sent her a long, heartfelt message explaining how she crossed too many boundaries and that was a big one, she barely responded and was updating her Facebook status instead of caring about what he had to say 😑 Haven’t spoken to her since!

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