Sometimes my son makes me feel like I wasn’t supposed to be a mom I literally don’t know what to do with this kid

I’m basically raising him alone he doesn’t listen at all, tells me to leave him alone and stop all the time runs off I’m trying gentle parenting and sometimes I snap and fuss at him bc it’s so frustrating it’s 87 emotions every 5 minutes I try to plan fun things for us to do and all day it’s non stop breakdowns and not listening in between him having fun it makes me not want to take him anywhere it’s always so much I just want to have a good day once I don’t get it ! his dad just started coming around a few months ago and he’s been telling me he wants to go with him now if I’m trying to get him to listen and I know he’s just a kid but that hurts, we went to church today and I was nervous to send him to children’s bc it’s a new church so I kept him with me and he wasn’t very quiet in there but I understand he’s little so cool whatever he was mean to everyone on the way in when they said hi and then nice to everyone on the way out bc there was icecream then in the car he dropped something and I couldn’t get it until we stopped so he screamed the rest of the ride, then we get to the play place and he wanted to take his toy inside I tell him no bc we’re going to play he has the worlds largest fall out to the point that we’re literally just sitting in the car right now bc I told him I wasn’t taking him in like this and that if he can not calm himself down and listen we’re leaving and I’m just sitting here writing this post I’m so mentally drained I literally don’t want to take him anywhere but to bed and when we get inside I have to put on a happy face and play ..