in Rainbow Babies: TTC, Pregnancy, & After Pregnancy Or Infant Loss

Just a vent 🌈 29 week rainbow baby

I haven’t celebrated my pregnancy as much as I feel I should be. I’ve been so worried about something going wrong. My previous pregnancy ended in still birth at 37 weeks. It was never a situation I thought I would be in. This pregnancy has been healthier to an extent. They found some cysts on my baby girls kidney that I’m hoping will turn out to be nothing, but the waiting game is killing me. Everyone tells me to stay positive and just pray for things to be fine but I don’t think they understand how hard it is. From all the appointments to the medications I’m tired and in pain. I know if everything goes right it will all be worth it in the end but sometimes it just feels so hard to even wake up in the morning and go about my day. I am lucky to be pregnant at all and I’m willing to do whatever it takes to bring my baby girl home, I’m just struggling a bit.

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Oh my love, this sounds so heavy and consuming. It’s so dismissive when someone says just think positively when you have experienced the WORST so know that thinking positively doesn’t always mean positive outcomes - so I totally get why them saying that is really hard to hear. Have you got any support? Maybe the mental health team that deal with pregnancy? You need a safe space to talk through the problems and begin to feel lighter All I can say is if the whole process feels too much right now - just take one day a time. One day ticked off each day. Remove any unnecessary stress and do whatever you need to get through each day xxx

My best friend is actually in a similar position as you are. She had a still birth at 34 weeks with her son. She had contracted Hepatitis A in that pregnancy which led to liver failure and a blood disorder. Last year, her doctors were concerned that she has bone cancer, as she lost over 100lbs in a few months and could barely keep anything down. She miraculously got pregnant and they couldn’t do a biopsy. The beginning of her pregnancy was extremely difficult. More weight loss, more nausea, blood transfusions, iron transfusions, banana bags and talk of a feeding tube. But, then, she miraculously was able to eat again and stopped throwing up all the time (which she had done prior to pregnancy due to liver failure). She is 34 weeks pregnant now and due for an induction tomorrow! She was freaking out after getting diagnosed with preeclampsia last month (she had preeclampsia with her first), but, now, she will get to meet her baby tomorrow!

I understand how you feel, I lost my first baby at 17 weeks he was still born, due to me having an incompetent cervix, we found out he was a boy 3 weeks before and I wanted a boy so bad! I got pregnant again 6 months later, the first week or two I was excited and anxious about it but the more time that went by the more anxious I got, basically my whole pregnancy I was terrified every single day that something would happen or go wrong even after getting a cerclage to keep my second boy in there, the anxiety let up for a little bit and then something would happen that would make me so anxious again, like I didn’t feel good that day so I felt like something was wrong, or I started spotting, or even contractions that I thought was bad cramping, as hard as it may be have faith that your baby is strong, try not to worry unless your doctors give you a reason to, but also trust your gut. My rainbow baby was born at 34 weeks, healthy and strong and I’m praying for you to have a healthy baby

I’m so sorry, this is such a hard situation to deal with :( Though not quite the same, I can empathise to some degree - i’m 21 weeks pregnant currently after losing my baby at 19 weeks last year and I also keep being told to think positive. It’s so hard to do when you’ve experienced the most incredible heartbreak imaginable. The reality is that pregnancy is tough regardless, but when it’s after a traumatic loss it’s just so much harder still. Do you have anyone you can talk to? Our maternity hospital have a dedicated team to support women who have previously experienced loss and I’ve been given their contact to reach out to if needed. I definitely think it’s worth exploring if yours have similar. You’re doing amazing 💗

I m so sorry for your lost. All the thinking positive BS is so toxic. It's totally normal to feel the way you feel. If you can talk about it to a therapist, that may help you decrease the level of anxiety. Once you are a mom, worrying for your babies is pretty much normal. But it's supposed to be in a healthy way for you. Send you strength mama. I can imagine the pain and stress you are experiencing.

Just wanted to say that my friend did not go for the induction (as she is doing better than anyone expected) and they are playing it by ear now. However, she is 36 weeks today! She is tired, uncomfortable and ready to meet her baby, but she is waiting to see if baby girl will choose her own day to debut. She was so nervous about this pregnancy, she did not buy anything this time around, because she bought everything the first time and it ended in tragedy. However, I threw a surprise baby shower for her and her family and friends bought everything she needed for her baby. Being surrounded by love and support and prayer is what is really helping her feel reassured and start to get excited again. Idk how much of this you’d be able to relate to, but I just wanted to share how she’s doing and maybe some of it might help!