Soon to be step mom 💙🩵

Hello! I’m just reaching out for anyone who has advice on being a step mom, what it was like for you when being introduced to the children and what their role is. My story: In January my partner receives full restoration of his two boys, 9 & 6. He’s going to be a full time dad and settle the boys into his their home with both his parents. Once settled, that’s when I come in. I’ll be introduced to the boys and I’m so nervous. My partner is so open to any questions I have and answers them all for me. My role isn’t quite to be their mother as they need to get used to having their dad back after being in foster care for coming up to 3 years.

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They’re going to be living with him and his parents?

@Monét yes, he lives with his parents and both boys will be moving in with them. For the moment until full restoration he’s been with me from Friday to Monday nights and stays with his grandmother from Tuesday to Friday day

I would say it’s a little early for him to meet you. A lot of changes happening for him and considering you two don’t live together, maybe dad should just focus on the relationship he has with the boys for now.

@Monét I agree, I’ll just let them settle then think about what my role would be 🤍

I agree, they need time to figure out a new normal without someone else new. How long has it been since they've been with their dad?

@Ann he’s been fighting for them for 2 years so I’d say coming up to 3 years now.

The 6 year old would only have vague memories of him as a dad then probably. It'll take some time. In my situation, my stepdaughter was basically raised by her grandparents. Her dad was still involved, but had more of a "fun uncle" or big brother type role. When they moved in with me, it was a complete disaster as he tried to figure out how to be a dad to her and she adjusted to him needing to discipline her. I caught a LOT of the blame for that because I was the "new" factor.

@Ann I know what you mean, my partner gets his visits every fortnight so they have a great bond but he’s going to go from being the fun dad to the one who’ll have to set more boundaries with them. They already have his respect but it’ll be a hard adjustment for the both of them. I’m an educator so I’ve got more understanding than others would with their behaviours, triggers etc. I’m just nervous as all hell, no idea what to expect when being introduced as his partner

Depends on his situation, it sounds like he is dependent on his parents, for example I drove and my partner didn’t so I took his child to do activities and fun things rather than just sitting in doors. 1000% let them settle with their family but I wouldn’t wait too long to be introduced , maybe turn up as a friend and spend fun times with them but leave so they have the nights with him alone x kids don’t need constant change, if they’re going through something may be best to do it all at once x be fun and understanding and supportive of to partners parenting styles

@Nichola Thanks! I love the idea of visiting and having fun, really making it about them enjoying themselves rather than just sit around awkwardly in the house x I feel anxious about meeting them and really want to do my best to support him and both boys too xx