Mom Guilt Over Sensory Issues

Hi y’all, I’m reaching out for help from my fellow neurodivergent moms, because I feel like a horrible, volatile mom. I have diagnosed ADHD (inattentive type), and also have many features of Autism (I am not diagnosed; therapist is assessing). I also have hEDS and POTS, meaning my joints dislocate frequently and I am in constant pain while also managing sensory issues in addition to feeling faint most of the time (I have to sit when I take showers now). This morning, my son got sick in bed and needed a bath. I didn’t have a chance to grab my earbuds because I was already in the shower when my partner asked me to bathe our son (I am very sensitive to loud, sudden sounds). I also become easily irritable if there are sudden, unexpected inconveniences. I try to reason with myself that life will come with many inconveniences, but I still panic every time they happen. My son has extreme sensory issues with water on his head, and will SCREECH when he’s in the shower because his head gets wet. I usually will give him baths and wear my earbuds, because it’s easier on both of us. But this morning I was already in the shower, so I held him in my lap. His constant screaming in my ear was so much that I picked him up from my lap, stood him in front of me, and yelled loudly at him to stop. My heart shattered because all it did is make him cry more, and then call out for his dad. 😭 I’m crying as I type this, because I hate having moments where I lose it because the overload is far too much. Someone please give me some advice about how to manage my sensory overload, because I don’t want my son to ever feel like I’m unsafe to be around. I hate how this affects my parenting. I love him so much and I never want him to question that.

Show your support

I could have written this. My son is going to be assessed for autism next week and so he has frequent, intense meltdowns. I am fairly certain I'm also autistic but never got assessed, and I have extreme sensitivities to loud sounds. Today was just nonstop screeching, nothing I did would help. Finally, I snapped and yelled at him because he just wouldn't calm down, and immediately felt that same guilt. It is so so hard being a neurodivergent parent of a kid with similar issues. You're supposed to be able to regulate your reactions, but you just can't. The biggest thing is to apologize to your child, make sure they understand that you did not mean it. Then getting space works best for me. I was lucky that my husband came home right after I snapped and was able to take over while I went to our room to decompress. But if you can just put him somewhere safe, then step away and take some big breaths and try to ground yourself, that is really helpful in my case. Everyone is different though.

I will say that even though I did snap at him, and took a couple hours away, when I came back and was calm, he was so loving. He gave me hugs, he wanted to cuddle for bedtime. I think he understood that mama was overwhelmed, but he is still loved no matter what.

@Helen thank you so much for the validation. We’re getting our son assessed, too. I feel like many people don’t understand that sometimes, we just can’t regulate ourselves fully if the environment is too overstimulating. You’re right that we have to apologize, and assure them that they are not responsible for our reactions. I just hate that I have to apologize to him on almost a daily basis.

I get that. I get so much anxiety and panic over taking him out to any public spaces, so I end up keeping him home a lot and that makes me feel guilty. I think that looking into grounding and centering techniques might be helpful. But this is such a small part of his and your life, especially if he is diagnosed and can potentially get therapy and assistance in that way. I'm kind of holding onto that as I'm going through my state's Early Intervention Services, and they will provide at home therapy techniques for free until 3 years old. Try looking into that if your state has it. For now, the apologies are super important to try and reduce any guilt he may feel, and using the ear buds is a great tool to help yourself stay regulated! I think you're doing a great job, and if you need any other advice you can message me!

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌