As soon as you get pregnant you are parents, unfortunately not everyone gets to bring home a baby to raise. Pregnancy is very fragile, each one is as unique as we are. I was completely consumed with trying to become a parent during infertility (I had gynae issues not my husband) that all my self worth was tied to that & I felt such hate for my body. When I started to accept it might not happen & look at all the other titles & skills I have like being a good wife and how hard I work then I got pregnant. I've got PTSD from that time, I'm triggered by so much.
I know a page where a woman talked about this. She just lost her son at 26 weeks and they had been doing daily updates on being a mom and dad. I personally believe you are a mom and dad, there was someone alive that shared both of your stardust. Even though they are gone, they existed, period.