AITA
All of the sudden my 19 year old SS wants to move in with us. I know that it's because he is starting community college and currently at his moms house is sharing a room with his 12 year old brother. At our house he would have his own room. He also has a 21 year old brother who lives with his mom and pays $400 in rent and buys his own groceries, both kids work the same exact job. My husband is giving his 19 year old the same deal as his brother has to make things fair. The thing is I'm having my first baby 2 months before he moves in with us. I'm extremely worried that things are going to be awkward with me learning to be a mom with him here and that he's going to expect me to be his maid like his mother was. We have already set boundaries like he is responsible for keeping his bathroom tidy and washing his own clothes but before he turned 18 while he was coming over every other weekend he acted like a house guest instead of a family member, expecting me to do everything for him like he's on vacation. The 12 year old is the same way. I can barely even get him to put his dirty clothes in the laundry basket I provided for him, instead he just throws them on the floor and I end up picking them up when he leaves. I've heard the horror stories about how the first year is hard for parents with a newborn and I'm worried that between having the 19yr old move in and the 12yr old there every other weekend I'm going to loose it. It would be 100% different if they were responsible and capable of doing things for themselves but their mom acts like a maid for them and isn't as tidy as I am. I know everyone is going to say set boundaries but those are already in place and ignored. The 19yr old has already text my husband saying he wants to start eating healthier and wants me to start making healthier dinner options for him when he moves in and has made comments about going to concerts and football games with my husband and how I can just stay home and watch my newborn while they go out. He hasn't even moved in yet and I'm already annoyed. My husband says he won't be going out all the time and leaving me with the baby but I worry with his son pressuring him, that will change.
I just don't want him to move in but i'll never say that to my husband. I was so excited to have my first child but I just feel like things aren't going to be as happy as I imagined and I feel like I'm going to be doing a lot more on my own than I thought. I moved half way across the country so he could he near his kids and have no friends or family to help me. It just sucks.
Sorry for the long rant.
You’re not an AH at all. Things are just planning out to be different to how you expected them to be. You are also hormonal, so be kind to yourself. The reality is he’s 19. He’s not a child. He’s coming into your house, it won’t be like a vacation as you state he treated it before as it will be his full time home. I would just be firm with the housework/ chores and what’s expected from him. Make sure your husband is on the same wave as you as well, can we have a trail?? See how he gets on. The healthier dinners couldn’t be a bad thing, I wouldn’t be making different to what you’re eating though. Maybe teach him so he can make himself. But healthier dinners for all. Never know he might be a helpful big brother once baby comes and be welcomed help.