Healing your Mother Wound...?

Lately i have been terrified of the fact that i am now a Mother. I have a sweet 16 month old boy, and another boy due soon. I don't mean 'mothering' as a task, but the emotoinal wounds we carry from our mothers that somehow become part of who we are. I see 'Mothers' as being incredibly selfless, yet selfish in all the ways that matter. When a mom thinks she is doing whats best for her children, but makes every terrible decision and creates hatred and resentment that they carry into adulthood. But she sacrificed so much, and gave it her all. What IS a good mother? Aside from the physical nurturing and day-to-day responsibilities of it all. What if there's no running from repeating our mother's mistakes? I grew up with an abusive narcissistic father, and a loving caring mother, but she hurt us more than he ever could. We have so much power over them. Is there a "right answer"?

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I have struggled with this a lot, especially before becoming pregnant and is why I waited as long as I did. I found Back From Borderline podcast because I was searching for a podcast about the mother wound and she has a couple of great ones.

@Kaitee I need to check this out. Thank you

We will make mistakes. All humans do. The best we can do is own it, reflect and grow. Apologies when we mess up, even when our children are small, are so important. I have a mother who has never apologized, never owns her crap, has only worsened as she's aged. I'd hold her a lot closer if she was capable of admitting when she makes mistakes ❤️ my struggle that I hold close and hope my kids don't ever know is my fear that they will discard me if I'm not perfect. It's irrational and not common, but my mother's family is broken and no one has a relationship with one another. I don't know my Grandma and it's really sad because she is the only one still living. The best we can do is work on ourselves and pray we show enough empathy to recieve it back one day!

@Alicia my mom resents me for starting a family and getting married. I am nothing but kind to her. I involve her in my day-to-day everyday. But that's not enough. She wants to live with me. And she constantly needs taking care of in all the ways simply because she thinks a mother shouldn't support herself, its her children's job. I had to quit work to have my babies back to back, and take care of my home. So because i can't support her, and my husband makes only enough to support us month to month, she acts as if i stabbed her in the back, discarded her, and am nothing but a letdown. All this to say, sometimes mothers who are incredibly nurturing and kind, could in other ways destroy their children's lives due to unrealistic expectations and due to being so weak and dependant in life.

I'm sorry 😕 that doesn't sound good. I believe it's our job to care for our children and marriage first and foremost. Any other family is second and if they are unhealthy or create a dynamic that is not bearable, than don't belive in taking it on. Might be helpful to find someone you can talk to and get guidance on as I'm sure your Mom isn't going to change 🫤❤️

Your mother sounds exactly like mine. She has been married to my narcissistic father for 40 years, is emotionally dependent, and has unrealistic expectations of my sister and I to live the life she thinks we should be living. She has tried to come between my husband and I, and sends passive aggressive messages through my kids (luckily they are too young to understand). Her mother died while my mother was an infant so I know deep down she is looking for a mother figure and is jealous of my kids bc I am mothering them and not her. Regardless, her behavior is not okay. I have limited contact with her to basically twice a year when all my family is gathered so I don't have to be alone with her. We don't really talk between those occasions. I've tried to have the hard discussions with her about my husband and kids being my priority, but it hasn't changed anything.