Difference of opinion - 'giving in' to toddler demands
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I agree with Dad. When you “give in” to kids all the time, they get more worked up when something doesn’t go their way. It’s okay for them to learn not everything will go the way they want it to, they can throw tantrums at first but will eventually calm down.
It depends what the demand is for me. If my daughter was rudely screaming that she wanted me and not her dad, either me or him would help her calm down first, and then coach her to be able to ask nicely. To me the problem isn't that she wants a particular person, it's the rude way she's demanding rather than asking
Thanks all, worthwhile hearing other people's perspectives
For this particular situation, in my mind me and my husband are completely interchangeable, so even if my son is screaming for me, I will leave it to Dad to take him out, calm him, distract him, etc. I don’t want this culture that everyone should give up important things and run to the toddler. In general, when deciding whether to give in to a demand or not, I think how much dedicated, uninterrupted, playful and affectionate time I have spent with my son today. I imagine it like if his cup is full and I have given him a lot of attention and play time, then I can afford to be stricter when I’m really busy with something afterwards. If I was busy all day and didn’t have much quality time for him, then fair enough he is screaming, I would give in and make him feel happy
I would leave daddy to deal with it. She's smart and trying to play one off the other. My 3 year old does the same. She will calm down eventually she's just angry she's not getting what she wants and that's ok too, but she's learning to regulate that emotion.