PMDD or am I just going insane?
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@Maya thank you so much for taking the time to reply & your support! ❤️ Can I ask whether you've managed to get a GP to confirm it's PMDD? I've done some research into natural supplements and have ordered a couple as they can't do any harm?! If they help subside the symptoms i may just try to manage it myself. As for my husband, he's quite good at understanding and pinpointing its hormones, I don't think he understands the depths of the cycle but probably would if I tried explaining to him. My concern with him is I don't think he would leave me to it/not continue arguments even if he understood it's heightened due to PMDD.. Funnily enough, since this post my period has been and I'm now in luteal phase and the arguments/hormones are back again xxx
When I lived in London my GPs were unaware, so no diagnosis. When I moved to Amsterdam I booked an appointment with a gynaecologist and brought my laptop with years of tracking data to try to 'prove' I had it. Luckily she knew about PMDD and just told me to close my laptop. It was the first time I felt 'believed' for having it and then we started to discuss treatment options. So tracking and finding a health practitioner with experience really helps. I'm not a professional, but from what you've said it does sound like PMDD. I started with natural supplements as they do work for some people, then I moved on to start taking SSRIs (antidepressants). I've paused whilst trying to have a baby, but I take 15mg of escitalopram everyday, and then 20mg during my luteal phase. This was built up very gradually using drops and for me takes the edge of PMDD. I will definitely go back on them again postpartum.
RE your husband's support, something that has helped us is separating out what is a 'regular argument' aka something you both disagree with and want to solve when in a clear mind, and then what is a 'pmdd argument' which is typically rage and emotion filled and for us, no good usually comes when going down that path.
There's a lot of resources out there now for partners and I would really recommend getting your husband to know everything about the disorder. With the understanding and awareness that it isn't you choosing to be like this, then can come more patience and support.
This does sound like PMDD, especially the cyclical nature. Also I've read it's very common for PMDD symptoms to go away whilst pregnant, but return postpartum. Is your husband aware of your cycle? Can he predict when you are in luteal? As that may help him to be more aware. In regards to you being able to regulate, that's the whole challenge of PMDD, if we could do that for ourselves or anyone it would not be so all consuming. Things that help me when rage comes on: watching trashy TV, putting a full face ice mask on straight out of the freezer. My husband often gives it to me and won't continue arguments etc until I've worn it for a while. You are definitely not the worst mum in the world, you are a super hero who survives and incredibly tough condition every single month. You're the best role model for strength and resilience xxxxxxxx