I totally understand that feeling! I've had 2 csections. My first after a failed induction. I labored for 60 hours, only made it to 4cm, and baby was having heart troubles due to the stress of such a long labor. I also had pre-eclampsia, which is why we were inducing in the first place. Had we not done a csection, both me and baby likely would have died. Afterward, I found out that a had long term effects from the pre-eclampsia, and that my hips were too narrow for baby to drop properly, and that's why labor stalled out. Because of this, we went with a repeat csection for our next child. All of that is just to say I understand the feeling of having the natural birth taken away from you. I'm still coming to terms with it if I'm being honest. 💙 you're not alone in that feeling!
Im so sorry you’re feeling this way. Was a VBAC not an option for you? Either way, natural birth can also be a painful recovery. Life on earth isn’t perfect and we don’t always get what we want. I would take the time and speak to God about this and allow God to minister to you. Every body is different and it’s flesh fails us daily even with birth. I don’t personally have experience with cesarean but as a doula I know that women who’ve had cesareans heal better once God lets them know why it happened. And He can heal you physically and emotionally from your experience