Extreme parental favouritism

Our 2-year-old girl has a huge favouritism for her dad. This has been going on for so long that I do not believe in a phase anymore. It started when she was 12/13 months when she started crèche and I went back to work. She loves going to crèche and we hardly ever have tears at drop off. She is 26 months now. Probably about 90% off the time she does not want me to be around her and wants her daddy or whoever is with us, to help her. She will cry at bed time until her dad comes and same for wake up. First thing she tends to say is mammy, want daddy and cry until he comes in. If she hurts herself or is sad, she won't let me console her. When mentioned at health check up or with professionals, I never feel taken seriously. It's always put down to being developmentally normal to go through that phase or because I had another baby. But it had started before I was pregnant. It actually improved when I brought the baby back home for a while but has worsened since again. I just think this is more than just a phase and very extreme behaviour. It is breaking me. Anyone gone through that? Sorry for long post and ramble.

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My son 90% of the time prefers me and will constantly say no Daddy and wants me to do everything! It breaks my heart for him! Whereas my 14 month old daughter seems to cry more when daddy walks out of a room! It’s completely normal and Freud even has a theory on it if you want to check it out! Don’t worry about, I know it’s very hard especially as a mother but she will grow out of it ❤️

It’s a similar situation for my husband and 3 year old son. It’s at a point now recently where my husband says “I love you” & my son often replies with “I don’t love you daddy”. He also refuses to let my husband console him or help him with anything like brushing teeth, getting dressed, etc. It’s an incredibly difficult thing to navigate, and I feel for you 😢. I can really only offer the advice that I offer my husband. Keep saying “I love you” no matter what, and stay as calm as possible. It’s so hard, but try not to take it personally. They’re expressing a need with their behavior, & when they’re this small they don’t have the vocabulary or self control to express it properly. In our case, I think my son is communicating, “I feel disconnected from daddy.” I’m trying to encourage more 1 on 1 time for them, or even just small moments of connection. I think consistency will be key here for my son to regain trust in his bond with his dad.

@Laura thank you. I will have a look at the Freud theory. It is super hard and it feels very unlogical. I'm more around her and we do things together but he gets all the love. 💔

@Stephanie that must be so heart breaking for him. Thankfully we're not yet at the don't love you. 💔 I was at a breaking pointon the weekend where I just left the house (my husband was there to look after the kids) when she rejected me once more. The feelings got too big on my side...

Ah it’s so hard, but good on you for knowing when you need to step away for a moment and recompose ❤️ just wanted you to know you’re not alone in what you’re experiencing x

I read somewhere a while ago that sometimes the child will be meaner/naughtier to the parent who they feel most secure with. So they feel they don't need to work hard for that parent to still love them etc but then needier with the parent they feel less secure about. If you are the main carer here then this could maybe be feeding into the behaviour a bit.

@Marie I would always be here and never mind having her around, whereas my partner is a person that needs way more time to himself to recharge.