Useless husband

This is unacceptable. Have you set him down and actually have a conversation about this with him? Like a calm, chill conversation. Maybe in the weekend go on a walk as a family in the park and bring it up. Don’t do it in the house as in the house people are more prone to getting defensive a lot.

My husband is the same exact way ☹️ I swear he spends more time on tiktok and in the bathroom than he does even talking to me, let alone our son. I've tried to express to him like I know you work but I'm drained and I have no reserves to pull from anymore. Maybe try asking him if there's specific things he can do. I hate to say it but the only thing that worked for me was not asking him to do anything. I would say hey take him for a minute while I eat please. Or hold him for a few while I go shower please. Or I would say hey do you wanna make his bottle or change his diaper. That way he has to be involved cause we shouldn't have to ask them to help

Tell him you’re going to hire help and see if he steps up when he gets the estimate or after he gets the bill.

you set the expectations and you make it clear that you will leave as you don’t need his useless presence as you’re essentially a single mum at this rate anyway, give him a week or two to show signs of meeting those expectations/standards and if there is no consistency that follows you should leave because you know yours and your sons worth 💕

I am so sorry he’s like that! What did he expect with a baby just you to parent him?! I wouldn’t personally be able to stay sounds like you’re doing a perfect job being a single mum 🙁! I would tell him he needs to up his game or get out if he wants to be a child.

Sounds like you have 2 children.

I’ve set a rule two hours of gaming after work. 4-6 pm then it’s tea and family time . Or he’d be on the PlayStation all afternoon . I’m very firm about this . As I know he needs time to unwind but baby need interact and bonding time too.

My husband’s a gamer too and told him when I was pregnant that if he prioritizes his games over his child I was going home with my mom and left it at that and when he really isn’t helping I tell it straight to his face how he’s not helping and that I’ll just have my best friend come help me. He’s better now about it but I put my foot down after the first 4 weeks and I still do sometimes. I love my husband but I make sure he knows the standards I hold him to and if he slips I correct him as he does with me on other matters. So my advice confront your husband and don’t sugar coat it, tell him how he makes you feel and what you see from him. Not trying to upset or offend anyone!!

I had my husband baby wear while he played his games. When he learned he could “hold” the baby and still play games he was more willing to help. It also helps that his gaming friends also have kids and they all take a “bedtime break” to put the kiddos to sleep.

I think you have to tell him that he gets all this me time from responsibilities, it is only fair that you do too. So if he wants to spend an entire weekend not helping you get the entire weekdays from when he gets home. This includes cooking and all that. Having a child is a shared responsibility and if he can’t participate then he can pay for help.

I’m sorry for you you married this man. He’s behaving like a child with no responsibilities and needs a reality check. My husband’s a gamer but since moving in together he hardly games and when he does it’s only when all of his jobs are done and literally has nothing else to do. There needs to be balance and understanding in any relationship but carrying on like this just tells me he’s not interested in you both only himself. Have you spoken to him? X

You don’t have a husband, you have a man child. Kick him to the curb and find yourself a real man. This is a selfish narcissist. You deserve so much better! Ask yourself this, would you actually be any worse off as a single mother (bearing in mind he will have to pay child support and any divorce settlement and you’re likely to get more because there’s no doubt you’ll get full custody with his attitude).

I’m sorry but I wouldn’t put up with this ….

Omg what’s the point of making child together, I rather be single like wtf 🤬 bet you feel guilty going to take a piss I feel angry for you I get he work but no excuse for his behaviour honestly I would leave him personally my opinion I feel so lucky to have my man who does everything with our kids I mean from bathing to putting them to bed that why I would have buckets kids for him I’m on baby three 3️⃣

What a dick! You may as well be a single parent for all the support he gives you! He needs to up his game PRONTO!

Sounds like he’s addicted to gaming and that needs to be addressed before anything else can be.

He can game at the expense of his sleep (1am-3am), not at an expense of family time 💀

Similar Happened to me. He’d help but I’d always take baby to bed on the basis he would clean up. He’d spend hours doing three chores because anymore than that and I was ‘using him as a slave’ and then proceed to game until early hours of the morning, complain about getting bottles during the night because he was so tired and spend the day moaning because he hadn’t got enough sleep. Selfish if you ask me. I booted him out and am so much happier

I saw a man frame it this way in a reel: you've been at work all day where you do tasks you get paid to do, a lunch break you can spend entirely alone or socialising if you prefer, you've had the commute home to just sit/listen to music/a podcast/not speak to another human for a while. Now you're walking into your family, where your life partner has been caring for another person/people all day, cleaning up after them AND likely YOU, probably not spoken to another adult or had a shit alone all unpaid and you're telling that person that it is *so chaotic* and demanding at home that you need space before you can "help". You are leaving them in the trenches alone, stealing *their* lunch break alone, *their* chat with a friend, *their* quiet 30-60 minutes commute alone. You're taking double breaks and having the audacity to berate your life partner for being angry at your theft.

@Amber this is exactly it - so many men need that reality check, it’s astounding the selfishness I see from posts on here! I like this guy, I think he needs to be set as an example for modern fathering. Just on the topic of night shifts, he points out that he works and is going to work a full time job on 4 hours of really bad sleep, but what’s the alternative? His wife has to work a full time job (looking after baby) on no sleep? https://www.instagram.com/reel/C8036wPOiRb/?igsh=MTJ1MjNlZm93YXg1bA==

https://english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/ Also this comic is pretty good at explaining the toll of the invisible load that usually falls to mums. Anyone making excuses for their partners/husbands on the basis that they work hard jobs - it isn’t good enough! My husband is a doctor working long shifts and doing a long commute. He never, ever takes time to “decompress” when he gets home, he gets stuck straight in with bath and bed time, and then he takes the monitor most nights in case baby wakes up. He does all the laundry, more than half of the washing up, all of the grocery shopping etc etc. You name the chore, he probably does it most of the time, because he feels I’ve already got too much on my plate with the baby. If he can do all that to make my life easier, I really struggle to see how most men have any excuse for their laziness. A spouse who doesn’t help when their partner is struggling is not demonstrating love and respect.

Wow he needs lot of growing up to do ! He isn’t the only person working ! You’re working 24/7 or around the clock … Asa my husband is home, kids are his duty while I do other bits (that’s not break) What is he getting out of being a gamer ? Kids bond by us making an effort. Seriously he sounds such a man child. I think you guys need to have a decent communication and make a change. Else you’ll be burnt out and resent n it won’t be good for mental health of yourself and your child. There are other single parents who work and also nurture their kids. This excuse we give for them, oh they work n undermine ourselves annoys me ! Mothers job is constant since the day we get pregnant but now they’re here, partners should equally level up ! If not more

Sounds like you have a baby and a teenage son with no responsibilities. I believe a serious chat or ultimatum needs to be given.

My partner doesn’t moan but I’ve started just giving him the baby. He works 4 nights a week either 9 or 11 hour shifts. With our other two I got on with it no matter what and he rarely helped out, he seems to think I should ask, but I’ve learnt so now instead of trying to juggle the baby if he’s twisty whilst I’m trying to eat or whatever I just pass him. I mean within 10 minutes until he says should we see what mammys doing!😂 sometimes I leave him to cry (not really really crying) until he will get up from his arse and pick him up/entertain him. From my experience as I’ve had two kids previous to our newest (4 months old) they get better with the kids as they get older. Once they can string a few words together and walk etc he does loads with them! I just tell him straight now, I used to be too soft and my work load was horrendous with the pets the kids and the housework - which he also does very very little of but I get my point across