is this hella annoying or do my friends just not understand what it’s like to have a baby

i need to rant! so my husband is in the air force and three years ago we moved across the country. since then we’ve had a baby and friends and family have come down to meet him. i made it very clear i was not traveling with the baby for the first at least year of his life. now with our babies being/almost being six months, my husband and i were thinking ahead to his first birthday. we don’t have enough room to host everyone at our house so we thought we’d be nice and we could all rent a large house in between where we live now and our hometown (actually about 2 hrs closer to our hometown so more driving for us than them). mine and his families were super grateful because it was less traveling and everyone would be able to see him on his actual birthday. and i was just asking who would be interested so i assumed my best friend would want to come. everyone would split the cost of the airbnb, but the total comes out to way less than a hotel in the area or the hotel they’d have to get if they came down here. anyways, my friends didn’t give me a definite answer whether they would want to come or not, so i asked again. and my friend was like i don’t think i can make it work financially (totally fine). but then she said why don’t you just come to our hometown and i’ll throw you a party here. maybe i’m being dramatic, but that is so irritating to me. if we went to my hometown, that would either be a 14 hour drive or a 2 hour drive and 2 hour flight with a baby. on top of that, we’d either have to check all of his baby furniture, stroller, etc or expect our parents to buy that stuff and have it there or have to buy doubles of everything ourselves. additionally, the airline only flies out on mondays and fridays, so we’d either have to stay an entire week and miss out on pay and have to pay more to board our dogs or we’d only get four days to spend between all the people we’d need to see. and my husband and i have different priorities of who’d we’d want to see so we’d be split up and i wouldn’t see my baby for half of the time of his birthday weekend. idk i did it when i was pregnant and it was a super stressful time and my friends bitched at me about how i didn’t spend enough time with them. its so frustrating having friends without babies and it just felt really annoying because they worded it like they would be making my life easier when it just makes it 1000x more difficult

Show your support

They don’t respect what you have going to tell you to come out there

It’s extremely difficult have friends when you have a baby! Try to be happy in solitude then the right people will come to your life

Trust me I feel this, my friend wanted to go sit by the water at 10pm while my 7m old was knocked out in the bed. She said just bring him with, like girl what?😭

This is a super tough situation with no easy solution for anyone! Every option you listed seems like a lot of work tbh. But I wouldn’t go to your hometown as that seems very extra. However, it is a lot to ask for people to pay for an Airbnb just for a birthday party. Why not get a cheaper/smaller Airbnb and have only your little family stay there, and everyone else just makes a 2 hour drive?

@Olivia we live 14 hours away so it’d be a 6 hour drive for them so i don’t think they’d want to just come and then leave. but i totally understand that not everyone can afford it and that’s totally fine with me it was more the fact that they were telling me to just go to my hometown instead and that would be so much easier

Don’t let it bother you. Yes, it’s frustrating, but you don’t owe anyone an explanation. Simply say, 'Sorry you can’t make it, hope to see you soon,' and send your love. They may not fully understand because, as you mentioned, they don’t have kids. What matters most is that your family is supportive and excited, and that’s enough. While it would be great to have your close friends there, don’t let this weigh on you—the stress just isn’t worth it. Enjoy your family trip!

Ohhh I read it wrong, my b! Yeah it just seems so complicated. And rude of your friend to expect you to do that. Personally I’d ask my family to just come to us and invite others but not expect much. It’s tough moving away! I did have 2 friends fly in for my baby shower, so I know not all babyless friends are like this!

As someone who just made a 14 hour trip with my 5 month old, dont. It was so so hard

People don’t know what they don’t know. It’s very simple. Unfortunately your friends who don’t have kids have absolutely no idea the stress and the difficulties of having a child. I was in the same boat before having a baby. I had no idea what my friends struggled with. I’m an older mom. All of my friends had babies years and decades ago. I never once volunteered or asked if they needed help. Now I feel like such an a hole because I feel so bad that they were going through so much stress and absolute exhaustion. But honestly, I had no idea. Until they have kids, they will not understand. I never went to any of the baby birthdays of my friends. I’m gonna be honest, I wasn’t interested. Even the babies of my best friends. I was busy -out socializing and going to clubs and bars and taking long vacations. I was not interested in waking up early on Saturday morning to, go to a baby birthday party. Your best bet is making some new friends that are moms

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