Could you express at all and he could do a bottle feed? Or is that not something you’re willing to try? I personally don’t agree with all the feeding and care during the night falling on one person, mum or not. We have always split the load where possible. Mums have a full time job too. We get tired too. We deserve sleep too. I’d suggest chatting to him and seeing if you can find a compromise or a way that he can help you xx
I ebf my baby and I do all the night feeds whilst my husband sleeps (My baby is now 17 weeks) From about 2 weeks old I used to pump my milk and my husband would do one feed a night with my bottled breast milk however I found it to be more problematic because the baby just didn’t settle with him so I would have to get up anyway and it was a faff waiting for the milk to warm up so in that time the baby got more distressed so now I just do it all myself but it might work for you if it’s worth a try. When I’m exhausted and looking at my husband asleep I remind myself of all the other things he does, most mornings he brings me breakfast in bed and he does a lot around the house so maybe set yours some jobs to do that will make you feel less resentful. It’s totally normal to resent them at some point for their undisturbed nights and how their lives don’t really change when they are not the dominant parent. I certainly have felt like you too so you are not alone and it’s not unusual
I've breastfed 2 babies previously and had enough support that I got a decent amount of sleep. If I got up to feed, my partner would get up to burp and settle, or get me a drink, or just check in. It wasn't every time, but it was SO appreciated and made it seem so much easier! Baby before that was formula fed, and we took it in turns, or when routine changed, he would do a 5am feed when he was getting up anyway for work and let me sleep. Baby with a new partner, and never done a night feed, hasn't even been woken, and it was a contributing factor to me leaving him. At the end of the day you set your own standards and what is ok for some people might not be what you want from life, my daughter's dad can contribute as much as he wants financially, it will never be as valuable as hearing that "go back to sleep, I've got it" in the middle of the night. It's each to their own, but sometimes even just the offer of help is enough to stop that resentment
@anon The snoring 😩😩😩 I swear it keeps me up more than the actual baby
I used to just get on with it as I thought well he is at work all day. But then he would say if you need help say, but it can be tough to ask, so with not asking I would then crash and with a few medical problems it meant I didn’t feel strong enough to pick my son up at times. So now if I feel weak in the night or need an extra minute I wake my husband up to check the nappy, see if our son is hungry or if it was just a nappy change needed, while he does this I get a minute to relax and prepare to feed. I don’t do this all the time but it has helped me not have a full crash in the recent weeks, and now my husband understands more about EBF and how tiring it is. I might just have a very understanding husband but he has never moaned once when I’ve woken him up. But I also spent a night in A&E 3weeks pp and so he had to do all night feeds that day so he might remember how tough it is. I do express a little just in case, so he will have the milk if needed in the freezer.
I don’t have to get up in the night as my partner feeds our baby an expressed bottle of milk when she wakes up for her one night feed. Before we introduced the bottle my partner would get up with me and burp and change her after I fed her. So I recommend doing what we do. It feels like a fair split as I feed her the rest of the day.
I’ve always done everything in the night. I wake him if there’s something else going on, like I can hear the cat wanting to come in and I’m feeding, but only then. There is nothing he can add to the evening that makes it easier. What this does do is ensure one of us is not sleep deprived to be rational and calm when I might feel a bit more irritated. Rather then us both setting each other off. He also will take the baby in the morning if I need a couple of hours more and will have the energy to do that. It works for us but I have also been fine on little sleep most days!
I will also add that we both work for ourselves, so he comes home at lunch, can go into work later or come home earlier if I need a hand and has him 1-2 hours a day uninterrupted where I can tend my horses, have a lovely long bath, get my nails done, sleep or whatever and works around my needs. He also helps around the house
My husband has never been the one to get up with the babies at night especially during infancy/when nursing. We knew going into marriage that that was my responsibility. It goes without saying. If I'm really sick he might be the one to go help but at the end of the day, like you, I know them better and a lot of the time they request me anyway. So you do what you have to do. Men contribute in other crucial ways as dad and provider.