@Jennifer it’s so hard! And yes I feel that with the stress rubbing off on them. She has always been such a mummy’s girl and now she’s finding more comfort in my partner which I’m glad she is but at the same time it’s breaking my heart 😫
Treat them both the same and talk to them in the same way. This is one tip I watched from an fb video. For example, to the 4 yr old say: Hold on a moment ‘insert name’, let me change his nappy and I’ll come and play with you. To the 1yr old say: Hold on a moment ‘insert name’, she needs to go to the toilet and I will be right back! Maybe you need to also find an activity that is suitable for both the 1 and 4yr old. Vary the level of challenge so it suits them both on the SAME activity. I know that’s not easy! Its a lot of DIY and effort on your part. e.g blowing bubbles (easy), try arts and crafts (edible paint), edible play doh, moon sand, diy bins/ (join fb page ‘activities for toddler and kids’ for a lot of ideas on keeping kids busy). You can play with them both and get the older one to play with the younger sibling.
Yes, you’re not alone. My eldest is almost 4, youngest 16 months. Until recently my eldest was generally happy with her sister, now she gets jealous of me spending more time with her. All the emotional stuff of being a toddler is really hard and I’m definitely more stressed now which I think is rubbing off on them. It’s so hard!