in Mom's going through divorce/separation/ breakups

Partner tried to close our abuse cycle with kindness

But it didn't work! I didn't give in to his attempt to be kind so he started phase 2: silent treatment. So he proceeded to tell me that he was studying and then didn't help with dinner or bed time and then during bed time he came in the room to tell me that he was going somewhere and he would be back at 10. this was around 820. I didn't react so then he just went into his room and started watching tv and he's been5in there for the past hour. I finished bed time then went downstairs to clean the house and now im back rocking my son to sleep since he's been sick. Partner is still in his room. Im basically writing this because I want to not feel crazy for the things I do so I remember why I need to end things.ni know my partner is going to come out of the room to try to talk to me at some point and usually I chew him out when he acts like a kid and does the silent treatment but im.not gonna. Im.turing a new leaf. What should I do when he tries to talk to me?

Show your support

Gray rock him. Very basic, boring, (one word if possible!) answers in a stoic voice, no emotion.

And congratulations! I gave in tonight. 😔 I also noticed his truck door open when I came home tonight, and the interior light on. Oops. I forgot to tell him. 🤷🏻‍♀️🤣

I agree with Alissa. The other option is yellow rocking. I am at the very beginning stages of divorcing my husband (and we have a 2-year-old) and your story sounds very familiar. It took me way too long to realize I was in a cycle of abuse, and my partner acts very similar to yours. I’m a few days out from finally physically moving away from him, but the last few days I have attempted to stick to the yellow rocking method, which I found in my situation to be easier to implement than grey rocking and also more effective.

@Sara what is yellow rocking? I've heard of gray rocking

Here’s a great article on it: https://www.onemomsbattle.com/blog/implementing-yellow-rock-communication-when-co-parenting-with-a-narcissist

This is the bullet I try to keep in mind the most: “Envision yourself talking to a colleague or an employer. Communication should be courteous and true to who you are, sans emotion and small talk.” It works for me because he can’t accuse me of being passive aggressive or uncaring.

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