In laws
I have an 8 year old step daughter who I love as if I’d of birthed her myself. Her mom isn’t involved in her life hasn’t been since she was year old. When I first met her dad I told him I loved him and that meant all of him this including her and I meant it. He pays child support for my bonus son so he can’t always do much with her so I buy the school clothes and birthday gifts or I’ve gotten her school supplies or just stuff she needs because I view her as my own. But his parents have been dead set on telling her I’m not her mother I do nothing for her she’s not allowed to call me mom and that I’m only the daughter me and him shares mom. I’ve tried so hard to be nice but now their stating our newborn is only mine and telling my bonus daughter my mom who loves her to death isn’t her family they don’t love her. I’m lost what do I do? I never had a good relationship with my step mom and it’s the only relationship in that sort I know.
I would firmly remind her that family is not by blood, that who brings you into the world has nothing to do with who loves you and who your family is. Then have a very serious conversation with your husband. Let him know that it is really bothering you and why. His parents are wrong to make your daughter feel guilty for not being born to you, she did not choose that. I feel that he should be the first one to say something to them but if that does not fix the behavior, correct it in front of them. Remind her that a mom is the title of a person who raises and cares for a child with love and affection, and that if she feels that those things describe you it’s because you are her mom. End of story and no one else gets to make that decision for her.