Discipline

I think it’s important to step away from the mentality that tantrums are bad behaviours and ‘naughty’ that need to be fixed. They have zero ability to regulate their emotions until 6/7/8 years of age. They have BIG feelings to things and the tantrum is their way of getting them feelings out. It’s important to sit with them in them moments and connect with them rather than try to stop it as quickly as possible. This along with time outs/scolding is just going to escalate the tantrum because your toddler feels shut down by you & like their emotions don’t matter. All they need from you in that moment is to feel heard & understood by you. We try to avoid the word ‘no’ because this triggers a big emotional response in their brain. And when he does have a ‘tantrum’ I let him know I understand. ‘I understand that you really wanted to do that and it’s okay to feel sad or angry about it. I’m here for you and we can speak when you’re ready’. When your child feels like you get it, the tantrum

Ends a lot quicker. As for consequences. Your toddler doesn’t have the ability to think ‘oh I acted like this but still got to do this and that so I can do it again’. Deal with the tantrum and move on. Don’t hold it over them. It’s ok to let them know ‘I’m not going to let you hit/bite’ etc if that’s the behaviours they’re exhibiting ‘we don’t do that’. But like I said, tantrums are not naughty behaviours. They are a legitimate response for a toddler who is just trying to deal with their emotions. Before having my baby I worked in child therapy, and one book I always recommended families to read is ‘raising good humans’ - it’s brilliant

Time out, taking a toy away, taking screen time away. Etc. time outs worked well for us until his 3rd bday when he would do something bad and then say “I’ll go sit on the step” obviously it wasn’t working so changed it to taking a toy away. Out of reach but in plain sight. We have always explained everything to our son, what he did and why we are doing what we are doing and what we expect him to do /behave etc. not backing down from your action ie timeout or toys, gives the child the message you are serious. You may be doing time out for 30 mins(luckily haven’t had to myself) or you may take 10 toys away. But stay strong in your message and they will learn. Yes toddlers will be toddlers but that doesn’t give them the right to be little shits and they still need to learn right and wrong and consequences.

@Amelia can I ask if you’ve read good inside?

@Sharnee yeah I have! It’s another great book 😌

Diversion, diversion! Calm down step rather than naughty step. Rebrand terrible twos to terrific twos. Let them feel there feels. Chastising and discipline doesn't work when they are so little. But rules and explaining things build foundations in the future. My son used to waggle his finger at me back no,no,no and thought it was hilarious 😂 Tbh divert them from the behavior and positivity reward good behavior over punishing bad. Remove from the situation of upsetting others or unsafe.

@Amelia I’ve seen a bit about it and wanted to give it a read. Thanks for letting me know ❤️

My daughter is 2½ so it's really just about taking her aside & explaining why that behaviour is wrong & what the consequences are. I did read an interesting article recently about if you take toys/screen time etc away they need to be able to earn it back somehow. Otherwise you're just teaching them to do hard time. They know you'll give it back eventually so they just learn to wait it out.

There are also Raising Good Humans and Good Inside podcasts for those of us that don't get a ton of book-time right now...

The word "No" makes Renée burst into tears. I use "Stop" instead Redirecting helps so far because she doesn't understand time out.

@Celia Kibler can help!

I redirect and give two options for how he wants to handle things. If he’s throwing down tantruming I offer a hug if doesn’t want it I give him space. I’m showing him to find a comfy spot with a book as well when we’re home. Also I sing a “kind and gentle” song when I notice he’s getting a little upset or excited. Trying to catch him before he gets rough has been super effective and he loves anything singing.