in Mamas with depression, anxiety, and other mental health disorders

I need help but I’m so scared..

I need help with my mental health but I’m so scared that when I tell a medical professional about some of my thoughts they will take my baby boy away from me and that alone scares me more than anything else. When my little one is inconsolable and I’ve tried everything whether my partner is here to help or not I get so angry with my baby and myself. I’m strong enough to be able to put my baby boy safely in his crib and walk away but the rage really takes over me and I’ve self harmed because of it. I feel like the only reason I haven’t done the unthinkable is because it hasn’t been convenient in that moment and by the time it is convenient the thoughts have passed… it comes in such waves and it’s solely triggered by my babies crying episodes. I feel like such a horrible person and shit mum for even thinking these things and nothing my (very supportive) partner does makes any difference.

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I'm sorry that baby is inconsolable and it's really hard when they just cry and cry . I think you should just tell your doctor that when the baby won't stop crying and you've tried everything to calm baby it overwhelms you. Don't say anything else about the other stuff. And just ask for anxiety medicine.

I agree with @Crystal

Following for advice

I would say don't mention the other stuff to the doctor but let your partner know. You needed to have someone with you and the baby at all times till your on some medication. Just because you stated you haven't done it cause it hasn't been convenient at the time. What happens when the time is aligned? You wouldn't want to do something in the moment and then regret it. So speak about it with your partner so there's a safety plan in place for you and the baby. (No judgement, just concern sorry if it comes off judgy)

It sounds to me like exactly how I felt when I was diagnosed with really bad postpartum anxiety. How old is baby?

Safety precautions sound like a good idea for you and baby. Also, a symptom of OCD can be intrusive, unwanted thoughts. Just something to perhaps research and see if it aligns.

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