Extremely aggressive toddler

My toddler, 19 mo, is extremely aggressive and physical and his temper has been seen since he was born and even from his kicking inside me. When he was a baby he would scream around 90 percent of the time he was awake, hated the buggy so was screaming all the time in it, kicking around and never be able to calm down and started having real tantrums from around 10-11 months where he would drop himself on the floor, bang his head, throw things and since he is around 15 months he specifically does the things that he is not allowed during tantrums. For example, he will run and grab the tablecloth and start pulling it off the table with all the stuff on it, he will run to his baby sister (3 months old) and bang her on the head, he will start throwing all the chairs over and if I ignore it he will continue throwing more and more until I react, he will bite us or hit us. Also, when he is busy playing and I pick him up he can scratch me really hard on my meack or face, punch me in the face and make himself fall back and recently he started biting himself in his arm during tantrums. Apart from expressing frustrathe is aggressive in plays, so for example a child is bringing him a toy and his response is taking that toy and banging it on the child's face or a bigger child, let's say 4 years old tickles him and he packs him by the shirt and pushes him back while laughing. And more often than not an adult bends down to tell him how cute he is and he punches them in the face. He always hated cuddling and being kissed do when we put him to sleep he always pushes our hand away when we try stroking him and pushes us away when we give him a hug or a kiss. I just don't understand where all of this is coming from and if that could be normal at all? Would you say I should get him assessed for some neurodiversity etc or do you think his temper is just like this and I have to keep redirecting it and trust that this behavior will go as he gets older? I am starting to worry as so many children always try to make friends with him and he makes himself unpopular and scares them away by behaving like this.

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Sorry for the misspellings, it was the autocorrection🤦‍♀️

I really feel for you. That sounds like a terrible situation. If the behaviour had started recently ( especially considering you have a new baby) I would have said it was developmental but if he has always been unsettled I would say it is worth getting him checked out. Does he go to nursery or stay with family at all? If so, how is he with them?

@Lisa Yes, he goes to Nursery half day from 10 months and stays with family every now and then. When he is with other people he behaves better. I usually ask, did he misbehave? Was he nice? And they said, yeah, he was amazing. So I don't know..

If he is OK with other people it is unlikely to be anything requiring a diagnosis (in my unqualified opinion) It might be development misbehaviour that has been exacerbated by the recent changes with the new baby. Where abouts do you live? I would recommend contacting your nearest children's centre they will have people there who will be trained in this sort of stuff and will be able to help you.

I don’t think his tantrums sound very unique. It seems he is going through difficult emotions and does not know how to process - is there any way you could spend few days with him to learn him a bit more and bond a bit more? I know you have a small baby but that really can help. Eg do you know what leads to tantrums? Tiredness, hunger , some other pain. How do you behave - do you lash out? - you stay calm ? Here is the whole guidance that you will likely get from HV if you are going to contact them; bad behaviour usually means that babies are trying to communicate sth

Remember that difficult behaviours might be a sign that your child is unhappy or scared. You might need to help them find the words to describe how they are feeling. All behaviours have a purpose for your child. Before trying to change the behaviour, you need to know what the purpose of the behaviour is. What is your child trying to communicate? Examples of the purpose might be: To escape or avoid something. To get something, for example, food or a toy. Get attention. Sensory stimulation. To understand the purpose think about these: The Trigger, what happened immediately before the behaviour? Their behaviour, what exactly did your child do? The Consequences, what happened after? What did the child get from the behaviour? Use a behaviour observation chart to look at your child's behaviour. Can you identify the trigger, the behaviour and purpose? You may start to notice patterns. This will show you what the trigger is, for example tiredness or hunger. You can take steps t

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/baby/babys-development/behaviour/dealing-with-child-behaviour-problems/

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