Timeout/sandtimers etc

What she needs from you in them moments is understanding, not time outs. We really need to move away from this idea that a child expressing their emotions is ‘bad behaviour’ and something they should be punished for. They have zero emotional regulation until atleast the age of 6. You telling her no is something massive in her brain and she’ll have a big emotional reaction to it. The slapping is her way of expressing that and getting her emotions out. Putting her in time out is teaching her nothing. Not anything about emotional regulation, not that you care about her feelings, or that you’re there for her. Leaving her when she’s having them big feelings leads to a massive amount of self blame and shame within her. Instead, hold her hands and say ‘I’m not going to let you hit me. I understand that you wanted to do this and it’s okay to feel frustrated and angry but I’m not going to let you hit me’ and then re direct and distract with something else

I use an alarm on my phone, first few times I left my phone near her so she could see it going down and I explained when the noise/alarm happens she can get up. Now I keep my phone and she knows she has to wait till she hears the sound. Once the timer is up I go over to her and we have a mini conversation about what she did wrong and that we need to say sorry. Over time her understanding has progressed so if I ask her what did she do wrong she now can answer me eg "I hit you" and her saying sorry has progressed too she can now say "sorry I hurt you" etc instead of just a sorry. Which is important for understanding her behavior. When put into a timeout she is given items to help regulate like a blanket to cuddle or a soft toy to hold so she can help to regulate her emotions. I've read that some people do the 5 senses and have something for each? But yea I don't usually leave her with nothing as that can be more upsetting and scary if that makes sense. Children have big emotions like we do the problem 1/2

Is them not knowing how to regulate themselves so it's important that we show them how to. Sometimes we also talk about what we can do!? So if it's coming from anger then I remind her that it's okay to be cross with me and that she can ball up her fists, stamp her feet or even punch a pillow etc. Just redirecting her feelings and behavior into something she can do that isn't hurting others has really helped her. She still hits us of course but it's less now and really praise them when they regulate!!! I male a big fuss of her if she hits the pillow without prompt as she remembered to not hurt us etc. Hopefully this makes sense and is helpful 🙂 good luck xx 2/2

Time outs don't work. They don't teach how to regulate emotions etc, or help for am understanding of why said behavior is bad etc. it may work for for but not for us and for children in general:) I validate emotions - 'I know you're upset but it's never ok to hit' 'youre feeling frustrated right now, il hold you're hands until you feel better' you need to work through things with them unfortunately, it will be better in the long run. If they are completely dysregulated change topics, take them outside or in water. Sometimes they just need a change.

It’s not so much “bad” as it is undesired behavior. I have a calming corner. We call it the chill out because sometimes we all need to “chill out” I have soft things and books and quiet toys to reset and redirect