I need other Mommas opinions, what would you do if you were in my position?

A little bit of background information, I live 6 hours away from ALL my family. I was born and raised in Michigan and now live in Kentucky with my husband and kids. I decided to come up to Michigan for my familys Halloween party (my husband isn't with me). I've been here for exactly a week now and I'm heading back on Nov 3rd. My grandparents and I never necessarily got along, especially my grandmother and I. She always had obvious favorites and it wasn't me, the whole family knows this. These past couple of years, she's actually made an effort to get to know me and things have changed between us. Sometimes. Well, this trip I was going to arrange some time to meet up so she could see my daughter some more. We called both grandparents and neither of them would answer their phone. My grandmother is one of those old ladies who LOVES calling people, sometimes for no reason lol so I know she saw she had a missed call. Normally she'd be calling me like 4 times a day asking what we are doing. The more I thought about it, the more I realized I haven't heard from her at all since I got here. The ONLY thing she said if where we were sleeping while we were here. I told my husband that she acting like she used to and he said well if she's going to act like that and not reach out/make an effort. Eff them they don't get to know our kid. My dad also agreed. I guess I'm just hurt because I thought i actually meant something to them now and it's back to how my WHOLE childhood was. But now it's worse because my daughter is involved. It hurts to see them doing what they did to me, to my daughter. (I know for a fact they made time to see my daughters 3 months younger cousin but I wasn't with my sister in law when she showed up).

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My grandparents on my Mum's side are no longer alive, unfortunately & I don't have anything to do with my father's side. My husband has 1 Nan left, but she is in a home, so we don't really see her. I am sorry you are in this situation with your grandparents, but I would just focus on the family who want to see you & your daughter. It is their loss x

@Rachel that's our mindset, but it's just hurts because I feel like I'm back to my childhood with them. They always chose my cousin who was the same age as me. They never made an effort for me and as a kid, I wanted them to love me so I'd make the effort. Growing up, I realized a child shouldn't be the one having to do it. The few times they briefly saw my daughter (at a birthday party for my nephew) my daughter absolutely loved my grandfather so now that they are ignoring me, it takes me back to when I was in her shoes. I guess it just sucks that I thought they changed and they obviously haven't.

If it will make you feel better, then maybe try & have a conversation with them about how they made you feel as a kid & how they are making you feel now, if you can get hold of them.

I can sympathize with this. Having children makes us realize how truly alone or unwanted you felt and its terrible to know those you love dont give a **** about your amazing kid. Ive been working on only investing in those that invest in us. I also try to remind myself that i had great grandparents but my parents werent 100% emotionally available. My son essentially has a minimal if at all relationship with his grandparents but he has two emotionally invested, loving parents who are going to choose him everytime. ❤️ I so wish I could give him some amazing relatives but unfortunately I dont have that power and just try to create a village for him based on those that show up and love on him.

Healing family dysfunction can be complicated. Your grandma is old and she’s got years and years of “programming” under her belt that makes her behave the way she does. Sometimes regression comes with the process of change and healing and it sucks! I have no idea why she went back to her old way, and I’m sorry you felt that sting all over again AND that’s a her issue, not a you issue. If I were you and she didn’t respond to my efforts to connect, I’d just move on. Depending where everything landed I may reach out to her later and ask what the deal was IF I felt that was appropriate and wouldn’t just turn into a fight. If not, I’d just keep on living my life ✌🏽

It hurts and there’s some healing that has to happen but I would not expose my child to them because she will get treated the same way and remember that. We have to protect our children. Forgive your grandparents and if they make an effort then give it a try but I wouldn’t be showing up or trying to call.

Don’t chase people, if they know you’re down and don’t reach out then unfortunately you have to take the hint, however if you think they could be waiting for you to ask to come see them then I would make the effort- some people feel it’s you who will be planning how you want to spend your time when you’re down so they might be waiting for you!

@Cass we did make the effort. They never answered and haven't called back

I would go to her house and ask her directly, that way your get the closer you deserve

Honestly I would just stop making an effort. You did your part and they pulled away. Be present for your daughter and know that everything is better for your daughter if you always show her love and kindness.

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