Co-parenting

why do you have sex with him knowing that he's doing whatever with whoever? the first thing you have to do if you are actually trying to her over him, is to stop sleeping with him.

If you're sleeping with him and he's doing who ever on the side you can pass things to your baby through breast milke etc

This is so real 🥹 have you guys talked about possibly making it work? We are coparenting but started couples therapy to better our relationship for our baby. After this, we noticed we don’t hate each other but still are waiting to have sex fearing that lust will get in the way.

If he’s able to do whatever he wants, he’s getting off way too easy. And boundaries may need to be in place (easier said than done, I know)

@Sarah I am aware of that, I know that I can not get over him, but I can’t control myself. It is not only because of sex, it is because I still love him and need him. And we have baby together and we see each other so often. It would be easy if he is far away, but he is not.

How to get over him is by not seeing him so much and stop having sex with him. If he’s with other women who knows what he may pass to you..

@Isabel we did, but he cheated two times in our relationship and trust is broken and I know he would do it again. But he is good father to her, but I am destroying myself mentally because every time we have sex I blame myself for not moving on. Do you live together or separate? How often you see each other?

@Isabel yeap, easier said than done.. that is so true. I wish I can just be indifferent after all he did, but I am not.

But if you know he's cheated before he could have any sti or anything

You need to put your foot down. It’s not that hard fr. Or another cheap easy answer is to have sex with someone else and tell him. It’s like big repellent to them

I apologize if other ppl don’t really understand how hard this situation is-but yes we live together and it was extremely difficult at first I tried to move out but financially it just wasn’t best for the baby. I hear you on him being a good father, seeing that makes it almost easier to be intimate.

@Kiyanna when he visits to see baby, he stays in my house for some time to be with her. Do you suggest that he can just take her and spend time with her in his space? But she is still very small, and I don’t see that as an option right now 😕

I think the best advice i took for myself is he will think all the hurt he has caused is excused and ok when you let him off the hook. Both are going to be hard but one will allow you to be better mentally for your baby in the long run

If you feel baby is too small right now to be in his own space alone then it’s just going to have to be a self discipline thing. Tell yourself no and tell him no. I kept sleeping with my bd after we broke up and it just made everything worse and harder to let go. If you truly want to be separated from him then the sexual intimacy has to stop too. And when she’s old enough then he needs to take her to his own space.

Also what @Isabel said. He’s going to think that everything he did to you is excused because of the sexual relationship. You’re allowing someone that hurt you be a part of one of the most vulnerable and intimate moments. Be with someone you would want your daughter to be with! It’s so so hard I know. I miss my little family so much but I don’t miss how he treated me

Is he coming over to see the baby or coming to get a piece of ass since you give it every time he comes? Don’t give it and see how quick his attitude changes about spending time with his daughter, or make him take her elsewhere to spend time with her and see how reliable he is then. If he truly is a great dad, maybe try therapy.

but you CAN control yourself. give yourself more credit than that. if you truly want to get over him then you have to take steps towards that. you may still love him but does he still love you after cheating on you not once but twice? what is his end game here? what do you want from him if you can't trust him but won't let yourself get over him? no one is disputing the fact that it's hard. but you're asking how you can get over him but then shooting down all of the obvious solutions. if it were me, I would send a text saying something like "hey, I love that you are an active father and I want to be able to coparent, but we should stop having sex." and if you're not willing to take the first step to separate yourself then I don't think it's him you're trying to get over, I think it's the cheating twice that you're trying to get over, which is a whole different situation. I wish nothing but the best for you and your daughter, whatever that may be.

Stop sleeping with him. Make clear boundaries. If it’s for the child he comes around then meet somewhere public. But don’t do that to yourself! Don’t freaking sleep with him hoping he’ll come back! Omg you’re damaging yourself more. Please stop that. Seek mental help. It’s your lack of self esteem, it’s a bunch of unresolved issues u have. But sleeping with someone won’t help hun :( I feel for u I really really do trust me. But we can overcome this kind of shit.

One thing for sure is to set boundaries. Maybe arrange meet ups in a public space so that there’s no opportunity to have sex. Set time boundaries (1-2 hours meet up then leave), keep conversations strictly on the baby and nothing else. Meet up during the day and not at night to avoid thoughts.

The respect you have for yourself has to be greater, this will sound harsh but he is literally having the best of both worlds, he’s cheated, still gets to have you and be able to do whatever he wants. As Spencer Mathhews once said ‘it’s hard for me to respect you when you allow me to cheat on you’ 🤣 try to keep that in mind that you’re allowing him to have his cake and eat it and he doesn’t respect you and doesn’t deserve to get you at all. If he loved you properly he wouldn’t have cheated, this will only end badly. There’s no easy way but you have to mentally tell yourself you’re not going there again and mean it- start dating other people if you feel ready or focus on yourself and your child! X

How can a grown adult not control themself and just say no to sex?

You need to write yourself a letter, you can do that in notes on your phone of all the shit he put you thru and how that feels when it hurts. Read it before you see him! Also masturbate before you see him lol

@Priscilla lmao A+ advice here fr

@Priscilla 😂😂😂

Don't have sex with him anymore and set boundaries.

I will be coming here every day to read your comments, especially when I feel need to be with him. I will try to be stronger then this I promise to myself and to you. Thank you ladies for putting so much effort to help me overcome this, you all are amazing!

Screenshot it lol