Sleep Deprivation
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Are you breastfeeding or bottle? It might be worth trying some formula if breastfeeding in case they aren’t getting the milk they need. My LO was exclusively breastfeeding and very fussy/waking up multiple times and was a different baby on formula. You need to ask for help at this point, you need a family member to be able to take over so you can get some proper rest. Get some milk expressed if breastfeeding and hand over the responsibility. It’s okay to ask for help from friends or family. You’re not a failure.
Do you BF or bottle? X
How old is little one?
Do you have any help at home? Or anyone who could just sit with him for a night to let you reset? Agree with Emily that if you’re breastfeeding it might be time to try supplementing with formula because the main thing my little guy cries for is food. And if you can afford it, get some professional help. Have him assessed by a lactation consultant and/or a sleep consultant. There’s no shame in reaching out for help.
@Eve Sadly you and I are in a very similar position. I too don't have family or friends here, and apart from my partner I'm on my own. I'm still the primary caregiver and do the bulk of the caring day and night. It's so so hard on so little sleep! My baby practically never sleeps during the day, and if she does it's only if she's on me and only if I'm in a very uncomfortable position... The very rare times she does nap, is when she's on my partner... on the sofa, which means I must supervise to make sure she doesn't roll over or suffocate as cosleeping on a sofa is dangerous. It's torture seeing him get as much sleep as he needs/wants and still get to have a 4 hour nap while I'm struggling to stay awake. At bedtime my baby refuses to go to sleep until my partner is there, which means I have to wait until very late at night until he's finished playing his games. It's so so unfair. He has so much sleep that he can stay up late playing his games, meaning I get even less sleep.
@Sharon Him? Why did you assume my baby is a male?
@Sharon I'm not going down the formula route as it's artificial, expensive, and an easy cop out. It also takes lots of preparation which I don't fancy doing in the middle of the night. It's also not vegetarian, and not got the antibodies that a baby needs from their mother. There was only one time my baby was given formula without my consent and it made her sick. I breastfeed my baby because I love her and want the best for her. Breastfeeding not only provides a baby with everything they need, tailor made to that specific baby, but it's also a loving activity that provides a baby with security, attachment, and love. Changing to formula removes that aspect, and it just adds unnecessary cost, preparation and cleaning/sterilising. It won't change the fact my baby needs to feed and have nappy changed at night, it will just make it more hard work. Why fix what's not broken?
@Emily I only have one baby, and she's s girl :) She gets everything she needs from my milk, she is growing and developing very well. She even exceeded her birth weight in less than a week when it's normally 2. If I changed to formula, she'd definitely not get the milk she needs. I also don't want to break the bond we have and go against what is natural, free, efficient, loving, and beneficial to both parties. Breastfeeding also reduces the risk of SIDS by about half. I don't see any benefit from formula feeding, she'd still have to be fed and she will still need her nappy changed. It just artificialises the whole process. I can't ask for help as my family and friends are all back in France.
@Ellie She is almost 10 weeks and is breastfed. Feeding isn't the issue in my case as it's more a fact of her not getting tired and not wanting to sleep. She tires late at night and wakes early in the morning. She also has started a sleep regression where she wakes at night and fusses.
Can you message me my little girl is also 10weeks maybe I can help xx
What do you suggest?
I too at times think it’s so unfair that my partner has all the time for running for reading and for all his hobbies, while I have to take care of the baby day and night and pick up housework. But remind yourself, if you are upset, it affects the quality or let down of your milk, which will affect the baby too. The night hours are pretty much the same at this stage for EBF babies. What is strange is that your baby doesn’t sleep during the day. Maybe try to take her out for a walk, even if it’s just 10, 20 mins. I used to be overwhelmed, didn’t even have time to brush my teeth or have a shower, not mentioning going out for a walk, because the baby cried all day long. But since I had to take him out for the doctor appointments etc., I realised it actually helped settle him down. Some fresh air will be good for your health too.
I don’t want to offend you but your views are very small minded and it sounds like you’ve been sucked in by the wealth of information online rather than what is best for your situation. If you’re not willing to make any changes then don’t bother asking people’s advice on here. Your baby is clearly crying out for something and it’s very rude and disrespectful to criticise mothers who are formula feeding and doing things differently when their babies are probably more content. If you don’t have a friend or family member who would make the trip to help you out in a crisis then that is very surprising and I worry may be a reflection of your character.
@Emily Seems you are the one who is small minded and rude, not accepting someone who has a different opinion than you. And you go about it in a very bratty way if I may say so. My family are in another country and I moved here to be with my partner so that's why I'm alone here, so nice try. I asked for advice here because I want advice on how to get my baby to sleep more... not to be told I need to feed her differently as this won't change a thing. I personally find following the crowd to be small minded which sadly a lot of British women do. Did you know the UK is one of the worst countries for breastfeeding in the world? Doesn't surprise me really, too many don't bother doing the research and do what's natural and has the best benefits for baby and mother. It's easier to follow the crowd I guess, but I much prefer doing my own research and acting upon that.
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@Emily Breastfeeding is the feeding method both my baby and I are happy with, and it's more a reflection on your character that you took offence to that and resorted to ad homens. I do not get why you are so offended when I said nothing harsh or critical against you but merely justified my decision to breastfeed my baby. It's a reflection of you that you get so upset by that and I'd rather be in the minority of women who breastfeed and know I'm doing what's best for my baby and myself than just do what's easy and just follow the crowd. Going against the status quo isn't small minded, it's quite the opposite.
As an English breast feeding mum I think you took that too far and don’t really deserve the help all us mums in the comments are offering
@Ellie I'm merely defending my decision to breastfeed my baby as its the best choice for both my baby and I. And the "help" I'm getting is just black and white telling me to formula feed. This is not what I'm asking for as the feeding method is not the issue. But it seems you have very little tolerance for others who think differently. I merely provided my reasons for breastfeeding and if that's triggering for you then that's not really my problem. I've done my research and made the right choice for myself and my baby. If you don't like others opinions then you have no obligation to comment.
@Ellie "You don't back down and do what we tell you to do and act like a sheep, you don't deserve help" why would I want help from narrow-minded people who just have an agenda and don't think for themselves. You don't have a good argument in defense of your position telling me to stop breastfeeding so you turn to ad homens instead.
@Eve You are a very strong lady. Its hard at this stage and easy to throw in the towel but it's definitely worth it. Just gotta get past this sleep deprivation phase and I'm sure it'll be all worth it in the end. The thing that's getting me through this is knowing I'm doing the best I can for my baby and that's what being a mother is about, putting your child first. But it's a lot easier said than done and requires a heck of a lot of perseverance. It's important to be strong and continue doing what's best for our babies but also take care of us in the process because mums matter too and often we don't have anyone looking out for us. But don't give up, just know you are strong and hopefully this tough stage will end and we'll come out the other side saying it was worth it :)
Your responses are really quite prickly considering you came here asking for advice and several people have offered it to you in good faith. I’m not saying you need to stop breastfeeding - if that’s what you feel most comfortable doing, then do it. I suggested that you might want to think about supplementing with formula or seeing a lactation consultant since you’re suffering from sleep deprivation and at the end of the day a happy mum equals a happy baby. But if you don’t wanna do that, that’s fine. No explanation needed. And I’ll just go fuck myself I guess.
Hey 👋 have you tried looking at your diet I found cutting any caffeine from my diet inclusive of chocolate and carbonated drinks really helped my baby to be less fussy but also I’m a vegetarian and get most of my protein from beans but this can make baby really gassy which doesn’t help with irritation. It’s a little trial and error as at first I though it was intolerance but later found it was chocolate:P also forcing a nap in the day helped by driving around in circles in the car on days that he is super fussy, if he fought naps in the day I knew I had hell to pay at night
Don’t worry. I’ve done my research but ultimately I’ve done whats best for me and my baby in our current situation. Some women aren’t lucky enough to take to breastfeeding, have to go back to work, or never get to try because they have a premature baby. Your judgement isn’t welcome here. It’s a support network for women supporting women and CHOICE.
similar hours here. in the earlier weeks, some nights, such as days 6-7 as I can remember, I got 10-20 mins sleep only; I managed to have an hour nap in the evening, when baby was asleep, which has helped. these days, baby slept more at night, I could have 4-5 hours sleep; though not continuously, it has improved a lot from before. but I lost the day nap, becoz husband went back to work, and I had to take over the housework. late night and early morning are the most difficult time. sometimes I doze off while feeding. every little helps I guess. we don’t have family or friends here who could help, so it has been tough. If you could find help, do ask people to help - even 30 mins nap during the day when someone help take care of the baby would be a great help. I just keep telling myself it will get better, it is only a phase… because it was me who wanted a kid, I will have to endure whatever difficulties come with the decision.