What would you do?
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You have to do what makes you happy. I left my ex because he was adamant he did not want kids of his own due to the risk of passing on mental health conditions the run in his family, I was willing to adopt to stay with him but he didnt even want that. He then went and had a baby with someone else before I had my little girl with my current partner. Broke my heart that he could have a child with someone else so quickly after being so sure he didn't want kids with me. But i have a better partner and I wouldn't have my little girl so I'm glad what happened did happen
You need to have it straight in your head as to whether you will choose to stay with your husband over the prospect of another child. "He doesn't think he wants another child" is not a good enough reason to not try when it's so important to you and you have such strong feelings about it! I don't think think that he would feel even a fraction of the resentment that you would feel. I just don't want you to make an ultimatum, stick to it, break up and then still not get your second child, that would be the absolute worst. The fact he still insists on using condoms though is a huge red flag to me, I don't understand it when you've had to go through ivf and my gut said it was a bit like emotional abuse, I don't know enough about your marriage to know though, just my gut reaction. I would try couples therapy honestly! You need help navigating this x
Either way, it isn't fair & one of you will be forcing the other one into something you don't want. It ultimately comes down to how important your marriage is to both of you & if another child is more important or your marriage is.
My questions would be, would you be OK to be a single parent? If he doesn't want another child, would he be OK to give his sperm for a 2nd child? Would your current child be better off in a family of 3 with a mom and dad or with a single mom and possibly 1 other sibling? What are the actual chances of REALLY having another baby again? Is having a 2nd child worth the risk? What is the WORST that can happen, in any of these scenarios? What is the LEAST likely to happen? What is MOST LIKELY to happen. It sound like you've had open conversations about this already, which is great. But... What are your reasons for absolutely wanting another child? And what is his reasons for absolutely NOT wanting another child? Is it finances? The fear of heartache and pain of going through the whole process again? There can be many many reasons. Find the root cause for both your reasons.
Yeah I 100% get this. My husband chopped and changed his mind all the time about having children. I gave him ultimatums a few times and I seriously would have left if he decided he didn’t want children. I think life is worth living and you should do what makes you happy x