How to break the news to someone who can not conceive

I never had fertility issues but I’ve known someone from infertility community and as for passing the news about pregnancy, the rule of thumb is never do it in person. The best way is to let them know in a text message some time before the meeting them in person. So the person can digest the info on their terms and even decide if they want a meeting in person.

Please let her know in advance. My friends did this for me when I was going through IVF and multiple miscarriages. Having a bit of time to deal with the complicated emotions beforehand enabled me to focus on being happy for them when we met up to celebrate.

Yes agree with Olga! Never in person. You’re better to text first in my opinion. It may shatter them, which is understandable and they may need some time to process, of course they will be so thrilled for you, but it’s like opening their wounds again and you should give them space to be able to deal with that in private.

I probs wouldn't break the news to her in person just to avoid an upsetting reaction. I'd probs tell her beforehand via phone/text so she can process first without things getting awkward. I'm sure (once processing) she would genuinely be happy for you.

As the ladies above have said tell her before in a message rather than in person. As someone who has been through infertility issues this was how I preferred to hear the news and then can deal with the emotions that brings in private. Telling her in person won't make either of you feel good as she's bound to have a very emotional reaction that she won't be able to hide even though she will be happy for you. It's a really complex range of emotions to go through and having the time to digest before seeing you will be the best thing ❤️

I know sisters where one could, and one couldn't, and she messaged instead of being in person to break the news.

I had problems with fertility. I had someone who avoided telling me and it made me feel bad once they finally did tell me because they felt bad for not being able to share their news. What you should do is tell them in private before you tell everyone else. I appreciated being told in person so I could share in my friends happiness even though I was struggling to get pregnant.

I had this with a couple of my friends (for different reasons) and chose to take a personal approach - different ways with different people. Personally I chose to tell those people separately from their partners, in a 1on1 conversation. I started by that I hoped that after emotions had settled they could find it in them to be happy for me. I also made sure to say that I totally understood that happiness might not be the first feeling they were feeling and I held space for them for that. Not saying that this is the perfect way,m, I just tried to think how I would like to be treated if the situation was the other way around. On reflection, I felt like I wouldn’t want to be upset in front of my friends partner (hence the decision to do it 1on1, not with partners), and that I would appreciate my friends allowing space for me to process the news. One of my friends I decided to send a long voice note, so that she didn’t feel like she had to react straight away, only when she was ready x

Yes, agreed with the other ladies! Never in person! Text first, or even over the phone. I've had 2 losses and my friend called me to break the news. At least I had time for myself to cry my heart out after the call and when I saw them the next time, I was ok with it.

You’re going to have to hide bump as much as possible. Tomorrow is too soon to tell her and doing it in person is a big no! By all means tell her by message or voicemail after you’ve met up. That way she can grieve in private and not have to do the immensely hard job of holding it together in front of you. This is coming from someone who spent eight years, five ivf rounds and several miscarriages to get to this point in life. I had to see announcements after announcements in public, from family, friends and people who I knew. It cuts deep.

I think the other really important thing is to not take any reaction personally. Having been in that situation and work colleagues announcing pregnancies - I was really happy for them, but that didn't mean I didn't have to go and have a cry in the toilet. I know you are trying not to upset her, but the thing is that it probably will upset her but THAT IS NOT ON YOU. You might have to let her be upset. That is why a lot of advice is to not tell in person - it gives them a chance to be sad/angry/hurt in private and not spoil their friend's happy moment because they might not be able to control their emotional response even though they know the news is not about them.

@Faith ❤️❤️ sending love

Going through losses and infertility is extremely hard. Pregnancy announcements are the worst for people going through it. It's another reminder of our struggle. While going through, i experienced both being told in person and via txt. Via txt is much better. It gave me time to grieve and process my feelings before seeing them in person. In person was extremely grueling, trying to hide my pain so as not to upset my friend. All I wanted to do was cry. Instead, I had to pretend to be happy while being destroyed inside! I felt trapped!

I wouldn't tell her first time in person. Let her know via text so she can process in her own space.

Personally I'd really struggle to be told face to face on this. People have always told me in a message. Means I can react at home on my own feel what I need to feel and then decide. If I was to be told face to face I'd struggle to sit through the rest of that interaction personally.

I can't believe you want to just turn up with a bump and not warn her beforehand?! That's pretty inconsiderate tbh. You 100% need to warn her beforehand, and don't be surprised if she cancels the meal out. As much as I think it's not OK to make others feel bad for having something they have and you don't, you can absolutely be considerate to your friend here.

@Rebecca, thanks for your input, but chill out, please 😄 I texted her like all the other kind ladies suggested here. She took it really well and said she couldn't wait to be there for me during this journey and support me. So, there's no need for the internet bullying, dearest Rebecca.

Thanks, everyone, for the texting recommendation! ❤️👌