Perhaps speak to your doctor and see if you can have an honest conversation about how you have been feeling. I do think that you need to speak to someone about your partners behaviour as a support system is vital at this stage. You've got this Mama šŖš»š©µ your boy needs you xx
Iāve been were you are now when I had my little boy and felt the same and when mental health team came I also said partner was supportive and not the cause but he was part of the cause as he didnāt help at all the first few weeks so I know your struggle š¤ if you ever need to talk your always welcome to message me x
I'm so glad you didn't succeed, your son is going to need you, look up to you, and love you unconditionally!! The first few months in all honesty, is such a big hit experiencing motherhood for the first time. Lack of sleep really messed me up! I just want you to know that your son loves you so so much and he's gonna need you to love him, teach him, feed him, and guide him in his life. You have no idea how much he is going to love you. I definitely think your hubby, his mother and his daughter are terrible for not considering your situation of you have just given birth, your emotions will be all over the place for a while! It sounds like he can't handle you crying because his parents couldn't handle him crying as a child, I swear everything stems from childhood trauma lol But, please know, you are so so loved by your son and you don't even know it yet! I would definitely recomend a therapist, but please know, it does get better.
It is absolutely vital that you are honest with your (mental) health care givers! No one can help you if you arenāt honest and upfront about whatās going on. Being that you have a 7 week old, thereās also some pretty good chances that you have some postpartum depression going on right now too. Thatās some serious hormone heavy shit to try to be dealing with without the aid of some medicinal way to help to level out those wacky hormones! I had SUCH bad postpartum depression and anxiety after my second that I ended up doing a program through my local Childrenās Hospital called M&Mās (Momās and Moods) that was specifically designed to help new momās (whether it was your first or your tenth!). We met a few times a week for an hour without our babies (the psychiatrists actually babysat!) and then did a half an hour with our babies to help us bond with our new ones (it was crazy hard to bond with my new one when I was feeling as wack a doo as I was!). Then we were also able to meet(contd.)
If you need to leave your husband for your own mental health, so be it. Do whatever you need to do for you and your baby. Not sure where you're from, but in Australia where I live there is soooo much government help available, especially for single mothers, but like I said, it does get better, I just definitely think your hubby and his fam need to f* off a little š¤£ Feel free to message or reach out if you ever wanna chat, vent, etc ā¤ļø
with the psychiatrist to get on some meds (if appropriate!). I canāt remember if it was a 6 or 8 week program, but I am definitely SO grateful for that program and what it gave me back. My oldest daughter is 7 now, and we have a GREAT relationship! I honestly donāt know if that would be the case if it wasnāt for that program. I also donāt know if I would have ever had the courage to be ok with my (just finalized!) divorce from my narcissistic, lying, cheating, dirty, no good EX!!!! husband (after a 3rd completely unplanned - The first two were fertility babies), if I hadnāt gone through that program. It was delayed a bit due to the third one coming along and my (erroneous) hope that he might still somehow change, but thatās when I discovered the MOUNTAIN of betrayals and that was it. Had that been discovered after my second, I truly donāt know where I, nor my children, would beā¦. But it all started with me being brave enough to make that call. As I tell my children(contd.),
being brave doesnāt mean that youāre not scared! Itās ok to be scared! But, being brave, means that youāre scared, and you do it anyway. I believe that you ARE brave enough to make that call, whether itās to your local childrenās hospital (the mental health are for the kids is where mine was held, I would imagine that it would be the same for any other programs. Or at least, they may know where to point you), or to just your local mental health professional. I had to make several calls before I found that program and thought it sounded like it was something that would be helpful to me. You were brave enough to post on here, even incognito, itās still posting your truth and thatās a REALLY hard thing to admit, so I do believe that you ARE brave enough to do this mama. But none of it can happen if you donāt reach out, and if youāre not honest. That baby boy deserves the best of you. AND, you deserve to actually ENJOY your beautiful new little baby You created LIFE!!! Thatās INCREDIBLE!!
Iām sorry for my miles long message, but I just wanted you to know my experience and to know that youāre NOT alone. There are LOTS of us who have been there, and the more we all start speaking out about our experiences, the sooner that we can make mental health a priority too! The sooner we can normalize it! (Which is what it SHOULD be!). I believe in you mama! Feel free to DM me if you want to hear any more about my experience, or ask any questions or anything like that. (Btw, Iām in Denver, CO and it was just āChildrenās Hospitalā at the Anshutz campus). Give your little boy his mama back, and give yourself YOU back. Make the call mama! ā¤ļø
You need to find someone (midwife, doctor etc) that you feel comfortable with and tell them the TRUTH. All of it. Thatās the only way youāre going to get the help you actually need and be able to move forward. There is so much support out there for you but you need to be completely honest about it all. Including the partner and his child and mother.
Also, what @Alissa said is absolutely perfect and eloquently put. If I could super like her comments I would š
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It's ok mama š Life is definitely hard sometimes and I can understand the wanting to give up but I believe in you and I can imagine you love your baby boy šš©µ You've got this!