MIL wanting to have baby to look after

Hi guys, so my baby was due November but was born early and is currently three weeks old my mother-in-law has been very overwhelming. She is very smothering to my baby which makes me uncomfortable. I mean I’m happy that he is loved but I don’t know why I just feel very territorial over him. - he is a breastfed baby but I do Pump as well and top up with a bottle , every time I see her she keeps asking about having him or even looking after him for a few hours and I just really don’t feel comfortable with this especially as he is so young and he’s going through a growth spurt at the moment so he is very clingy and constantly wanting to be fed, which is usually by Breast as it’s just easier for me rather than pumping he usually has a bottle every three hours but at the moment he is on my breast in between that probably about three times and if he’s not on my Breast he is wanting to be held , I also feel there is no benefit for her to have him as it would just make me feel uncomfortable and stressed being apart from him and the only person it really benefits is her especially at the age he is at now do I say that I don’t want her to have him? She keeps asking so much and I know I just need to tell her straight instead of keep shrugging it off i am a people pleaser and I don’t have much confidence

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You could say somwthing like. I appreciate how much you're trying to help us. Right now I feel X. Do not feel afraid to say what you want. I feel like holding him myself or I feel he is settle with me and I would like to keep him here. I would go even beyond that and say but if you want to help with chores around the house, that would be awesome. 🤣 Family should be there to help. My parents are coming over to cook, clean... and of course they'll hold baby at some point but main aim is to help us.

I feel you, i would absolutely stand your ground and say no sorry not until he’s abit older. I was breast feeding my first and she didn’t stay out until atleast 5 months. My mil had her whilst i went to a concert for a few hours when she was 8 weeks old but that was my choice she didn’t ask me but i would have simply said no, it’s your baby your rules she needs to respect that x

@Conchi yeah she has not once offered to do anything. She never really bothered with me and my partner until we had the baby and now she constantly says that she misses us which we know is a lie she just wants to see the baby , and every time we go round there she constantly holds him and it just makes me so uncomfortable because I know that she doesn’t actually care about me and my partner she just cares about our son

Sorry to hear this. I don’t really have any advice other than stand your ground and be honest with her. Also I really struggled seeing my baby being passed around when I had him 2.5 years ago. I felt really territorial and like I just wanted him constantly. I’m due in 4 days and I’m so nervous I’m going to feel like this again as it’s a horrible feeling x

I would just be honest and say not yet with baby being so young. Or i would be ok for her to mind him at your house while You got a shower or a sleep for an hour. And then come back downstairs when you’re ready and then she might feel like she has helped a bit x

I would be very honest and tell her that she is overwhelming you. You’re going through the hardest part of cluster feeding at the minute. Tell her you will appreciate her help as he gets abit older and more settled. My other half’s family wanted to come round 3 days after I gave birth with my last baby and I said absolutely no. Set boundaries and stick by them, post partum is hard enough

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