What a Dilemma
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I’m not sure that you have actually reconciled with them. Reconciling requires sincere apologies and changes in behavior… it sounds like you guys just ignored it. Which means you prolonged everything and didn’t actually deal with it
@Sarah @Ali you guys have a good point .... but how do you ask two 65+ year olds to change? It's almost impossible
It 100% is. It is almost impossible, but if these people want to have a relationship with you, they should see you as worth making small efforts. Also, depending on what you are asking of them. Some older family members have difficulty understanding that a new family priority has been formed, as long as this unhealthy, it’s going to fester and cause problems in your marriage
It isn’t impossible if you set clear boundaries and expectations with them. I have firm boundaries with my mother and I call her out when she crosses them or even says something insanely ignorant. She’s by no means a completely different person, but she has changed her views and behaviors a bit. She knows the boundaries and how I feel. She also knows what will happen if they’re crossed. We actually have a better relationship now. It did require certain compromise and understanding on my part because she isn’t going to change in any massive way, but the way she treats me certainly has changed. I wouldn’t make any major life changes until the relationship is better repaired. You’d be better off finding a chosen family where you are through parent groups and community activities.
Thank you guys for the advice ❤️
I hate to say it, but these people don't sound like people who are worth building a "community" with. If there was no apology or changed behavior, there was actually not even any reconciliation. They haven't faced any true consequences, so it's very unlikely that things will change. Yes, having a village to raise a child in is wonderful. But I speak from experience that when the village includes people who do not respect your wishes and boundaries as a parent, it's not even worth having them there. If this is something you really want to try, both sides need to sit down and clearly express their expectations and boundaries and be prepared to fully respect them. That's the only way it will ever work.