Cutting off my mom

I havent talked to my mom in 3 years. Such a hard decision to make, but I have honestly never been happier and have a much better relationship with my daughter.

My parents became anti-vaxxers right about when I got pregnant. They wouldn't wear masks either - it was early 2022, and RSV was also rampant that year. I couldn't risk my daughter's health because of their conspiracy theories and pride. 3 years later I'm only just now considering trying to reconcile. I am happier without them, but am trying to figure out if they would be beneficial to my daughter.

Put it on a scale. You have a lot on your plate right now. But cutting off a toxic parent is not wrong.

I bump heads with my mom all the time and honestly it’s definitely better to love them from afar. You’ll learn what’s best for you and yours. Best of luck girly 🧡

My mom has bipolar disorder. Is toxic and scapegoats people in the family. She is always the source of drama and can’t be filtered when she talks. She also acts wildly inappropriate and if you say anything, you are the problem. When I cut her out, I never looked back. I think you will know when/if it’s right because you will value your own family and mental health above trying to maintain contact with someone who doesn’t have your best interest at heart.

haven’t talked to my mom since july 2020 and don’t plan on it she’ll also never meet her grandkids

My grandmother was a really toxic person and treated my mom super badly. My mom only kept contact for us kids and my grandpa (her dad). After he died we hadn’t seen her again and I sometimes feel that it would have been better if she had cut contact earlier. I remember a lot of times where my grandma trash talked my parents and it definitely wasn’t great for us kids to be dragged into this by my grandma. Especially the calling against my dad. Or seeing my mom suffer by her. Just as a perspective from a child seeing her mother being mistreated by her mother

I am currently trying to cut out my mom because she is toxic and narcissistic. It’s hard but I’m improving at replying less and less. She doesn’t add value to my life, she actually does the opposite. I just don’t need her energy and I know my life will improve but at the same time it’s hard to let go…. But she’s not a good person so I have to let her go

All I have to say is your lucky you still have a mother yes she’s wrong for saying that but I wouldn’t cut her out you definitely need your mom and it’s only right if yall make up my opinion

my mom and i don’t have the best relationship. i’ve always gone back & forth about cutting our relationship off because it’s been a lot for me mentally. but what i’ve been doing is not reaching out first *as much* and ive been doing good. i didn’t hear from her for a month before i decided to send her a few pictures of the babies. then didnt hear from her again for a few weeks until recently. so i kind of just keep my distance while still updating her with pictures. sometimes i don’t really care to have a conversation, i just let her see what the kids have been up to

Ngl my mom has pissed me off and I’ve tried. Our relationship has not always been good but now it is just that. We have been working on it. We are also each other’s support in a few things. She helps me with my children a TON. And I help her transport with her daycare or run errands or almost anything that she needs. So when we both get an attitude and try to stay away it usually doesn’t last longer than a few days… I guess that’s family. That’s love.

Not my mum but my relationship is VERY difficult with my dad. He doesn’t like my fiancé even turned up to my house to fight him 🤦‍♀️ I tried space, talking to him. Whenever there’s communication (even if he starts it seeming to be ok and lovely) he gets argumentative, pushes blame on anyone else and says hurtful words. It’s still quite recent and I still have a lot of pain from it but I have just taken to not even looking if he messages anymore 😭 I have got to the point where the anxiety, and hurt from it all took me from feeling like a really good mum to a not as present one. I have decided he’s not taking anymore of my time with my little one, I find my mental health and relationships have improved with it but it’s still very difficult

Tbh as she apologised and knows she was in the wrong. I wouldn’t cut her off completely. Maybe have a distance but your kids could benefit from having a grandparent, maybe she’s going to be an amazing granny.

My sister and I haven't seen or spoken to our mother in 10 years, since my 21st, and before that it was another 8ish years of no-contact. She doesn't know that I have a baby and I shut down any reference to her as 'grandmother' to my baby (my Dad has referred to her as such but I just go 'sorry, who?') We're pretty sure she's got dementia now as we've seen a picture of her at her care home, ironically on a mother's day post, so she will likely never know of my baby. My baby isn't missing out by not having her around, but she has other grandparents, family, and 'chosen' nanas (I call 2 of my friends mums 'mama <surname>' so they are my baby's 'nana <surname>) who more than make up for it. Are you finding it hard because of how you think it will make your mother feel, especially at family times of the year? Or is it more mourning the relationships you and your kids have? Both are completely reasonable feelings, but the first isn't your problem, you don't exist to appease others, that's her issue to deal with.

I have just recently gone off a hiatus of not speaking to my mom which lasted 2.5yrs. Prior to that I went nearly 6yrs without speaking to her. It wasn’t so hard for me as I wasn’t very close to her anyway. We’ve never spoken daily (aside from when I lived with them and even then sometimes we went weeks without speaking) It’s okay to have space and not let someone bully you or your husband. Just because they’re stressed about something doesn’t give the right to be rude to anyone else.

Cut both my parents out nearly 10 years ago. I won’t lie there have been times where it’s been incredibly hard but overall best thing I’ve ever done for myself

I cut out my dad for a few years. He has mellowed out in his "old" age and genuinely worked on himself, and he is back in my life now. The decision came about because I was pregnant at the time I let him back into my life. I knew he was a good grandpa to my niece and nephew, and I didn't want my daughter to miss out on a good grandpa because he wasn't the best dad. That said, he knows he's on thin ice. When I cut him out, I wrote a 4 page letter telling him why. He didn't even attempt to speak to me for about a year. The first holiday season was lonely. I was the one who cut him out, so I didn't fight to get any holidays. My mom made an effort to stop by to see me and exchange Christmas presents (which she shuttled to the rest of the family for me.) The following years, through my mom's help, we split the holidays like a divorced couple. I got to spend one major holiday with my family, without him. It's awkward trying to navigate that communication, but it's important.

I personally feel where she did apologize and she knows she was in the wrong, so I don’t think cutting ties with her completely. Maybe distance yourself from her a bit rather than cutting her off completely. We all say things that we don’t typically mean, but if you don’t mind me asking.. has she always disliked your husband or making the comments like that? It’s hard for me to cut anyone off, but it’s because I feel guilty and I always try to see the best in others.

I didn't cut contact exactly, but when I moved out at age 18 I quickly realised how much happier I was without her in my life every day. So I made a conscious effort to keep her at arms length from then on. Highly recommend strict boundaries. Visits last an hour or two max, I allow her to be in my children's lives because I don't wish to punish her, but despite living a 5 minute drive from each other we tend to only see each other at Christmas, birthdays, mothers day etc or occasionally meet up for a walk. I know it hurt her for a while but she eventually did accept it... it was the only way to carry on having a relationship as she just made me so miserable when I was younger.

It’s so sad seeing how many people have cut off there mums 😪 I can’t imagine my girls doing that 2 me when there older it breaks my heart just thinking about it my mum hasn’t been the best and I haven’t had the best up bringing but the way I see it is she’s still my mum and I couldn’t just cut her off unless it was something really serious that involved my 2 girls x

I didn’t talk to my mom for months after I asked her to attend to me during my second child’s birth and she told me to just rely on the nurses. We’re in contact but things have been weird ever since

It really depends on your situation. Is this the first time she said something like that? If it is, I wouldn't cut her off for that alone. She apologized, people say things they don't mean when their emotions are heightened. However, if it's an ongoing thing, her pushing your boundaries and being disrespectful, I would understand. Does she add value to your life and to your kids lives? Is it a relationship worth saving to you?

You should definitely have boundaries I stopped talking to my mom for months almost a year because she was talking ish to my husband. Your mother should have NO right to think she can talk about your husband that way!! Protect your husband! And give her sometime to think about what she has done! It’s perfectly normal to cut her off for some time! My mom would apologize and as soon as she is in the door again she acts up and say the most earnest things about me and my husband and I have to lay it to her raw and stop talking to her for awhile so she knows that she will not coming into my home and say and do whatever she want .. till this day she doesn’t know where I live and I don’t let her into my home at all!! It hurts her but she knows she needs to watch out or she will lose grandma privileges too! So it’s healthy to have boundaries with your mother.

@Katie she has called him other names before because he’s not a touchy person and doesn’t want to be hugged or touched by her and she pushes it. She’s also done and said stuff to him that’s not ok too. I have a hard time as well.

@Sarah and I don’t want to cut her off fully but I’ve let so many things slide that it hasn’t been good for my marriage.

@Becca it’s been multiple times she’s said stuff about my husband. And when she apologized it was a half apology, it wasn’t like I’m sorry I called him a POS, it was sorry we had words. It never is a real apology from her.

@Laura well then that makes sense. I would distance myself from her, but I wouldn’t cut it completely but to remind yourself that you can’t allow someone to treat your husband with disrespect.

@Katie he has. Multiple times and she ends up yelling at him.

Well not exactly my in same way my mom died but then at 18 my guardians which we're my aunt and uncle that had adopted me told me to get off their property and never come back it's been 15+ years still haven't talked to them at all

lol

haven’t spoken to my mom in several years. my life has seriously been nothing but pure bliss lol