if I didn’t have a kid I would kms

My mental health is in the trenches today guys. My BD is a narcissist to the highest degree but does it all carefully as to not raise suspicion amongst the flying monkeys. The amount of times I have to hear from his mouth that he’s giving this relationship 100% just to be met with constant intentional messes, stonewalling, screen time over quality time, selective attention (when he’s hungry, when he wants sex) and then for me to be painted as this insane person that needs help — it’s actually making me insane. I’ve tried to flee but it didn’t workout, now I’m back in our apartment with my son. When I returned his family threatened to call the police. I found his notebook of his plans to get full custody AND child support, WHEN THE REASON IM NOT WORKING IS TO RAISE HIS CHILD. I feel so stuck and shitty today and I have no one I can tell because I’m embarrassed to even tell my friends we’re trying to work things out again. And it’s not working. It’s actual Hell and thank God I’m strong enough to not actually act on suicide because I would’ve done it 5x over by now. I just want to cry but I don’t want my son to see me upset. He turns one next Tuesday. I know he’s starting to reach an age where he’s easily impressionable and that really fucking scares me. There’s no state resources that will help because I have a dog. And if I didn’t have the dog HA I don’t even know. So basically to keep all the things that complete me I have to subject myself to this shit everyday. I’m so tired

Show your support

I’m in the same boat. It’s a nightmare! He makes me feel like I’m such an ugly horrible person when I’m not! You can always message me if you need to talk. I understand.

I legit felt this in my soul. If I lost my babies I'd lose myself and wouldn't be able to cover in any form.

Ok positivity here cause yall a man does not define who you are!!! We gotta take control back get your power back he does NOT control you or your self worth or your self image to want to just end it all What makes you happy? What makes YOU happy!?!?

Whatever it is that’s making you stay, fix that first so that when you leave this time, you don’t have to return

If you apply at a government apartment and a doctor signs papers for your dog to be your "companion animal" for your mental health and anxiety they have to accept you I'm pretty sure. I'm going thru the process with my cats. Doesn't help right now I know.. but just a thought. You can get thru this girl I know you will. One day everything will be different. Don't let him scare you either with his silly twisted plans you're the mama and you will be able to go up against him if you need to. Document him being difficult or mean if ever you can. Everything we go through is just a phase even the worst of fucking times. I believe in you 💚

And chikd support is for the parent making more money not the other one. They want the child by law to have equal opportunity with each parent because that's best interest of the child.. is what I've read on it legally. So that's normally why the man (men normally make more) pay the woman for the child support. The court won't try to take money where it doesn't exist. Especially if you're at or under 'poverty level' Don't quote me on all of this but I've been researching similar things the past year as well just letting you kno

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