Pregnancy loss, stillbirth and infant loss 👼

Pregnancy after stillbirth

Hi all, this seems like a lovely supportive group so I’m hoping for some words of wisdom from anyone who’s navigated a pregnancy after loss. My first baby was stillborn at 38 weeks earlier this year (cause still unknown) and I’m just into my second trimester in another pregnancy.

Does anyone have any advice on enjoying the pregnancy or bonding with the baby? I’ve got terrible anxiety but I know that’s pretty normal and I’m having therapy but wondered if there were any practical things that have helped others?

I’m also curious to hear others’ experiences of finding out/ not finding out sex. We had a surprise first time, and I was convinced she was going to be a boy! I struggled with dissociation after the birth and I wonder if the surprise of having a girl contributed to that in some way. I’m wondering if knowing the sex might help my brain prepare a bit.

Thank you x

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I’m so sorry you went through that loss mama.

For connecting with the baby. I used to read or sing to my baby a lot. In my third trimester when i start feeling kicks I would poke where his foot was and he would always kick or punch back.

I think Finding out the sex would definitely help you. Everyone convinced me that mine was a girl and I was in such shock when the doctor said it was a boy and a little upset. I can’t imagine having gone through my whole pregnancy thinking that and I definitely think it helps you connect with your little one more because you can pick out a name and call them that even before they are here.

I've been through this. For me, going to weekly support groups for pregnancy after loss was helpful and also journaling and running positive affirmations in my head any time my mind would stray to something negative about the possible outcome. I think adopting the right mindset is key and only surrounding yourself with people who can hold positive space for you or distancing otherwise.
I am deeply sorry for your loss and I am celebrating your strength in this current pregnancy.

Stay strong amazing mamas 💪🪐🌟💘

Firstly very sorry ur loss.I lost my first daughter at 34 weeks I have no advice to give honestly I didn’t feel myself breathe until I gave birth but the binding afterwards was immediately even though she was in the NICU I needed to touch her every second or I didn’t feel right, knowing the gender did help me and knowing it was another girl healed my heart in way

Hey, I’m so sorry this has happened to you. My girl was stillborn at just over 39 weeks and I’m now 26 weeks pregnant with a boy. I will say I’m glad we found out the gender, but I completely understand why some people may not want to. And the reaction after having a stillbirth to if you have the same gender again or different is so different for everyone but for me it’s helped me to know I’m having a boy this time around, if that makes sense? Although I still long for my girl one day. I’m also trying to get myself into therapy and I’m still in contact with my begrevment midwife from the hospital but honestly the further along I’m getting the worse my head is. It’s actual torture but I know all will be worth it when they’re here and in our arms ❤️ please feel free to message me if you’d like to? We can navigate this strange but exciting time together xx

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my son at 33 weeks in 2022. I then got pregnant with my daughter 5 months later and I struggled. I was exactly as you describe - unable to connect, struggling to accept and while trying to bond, feeling unable to. I'm now pregnant again, and I am feeling the same but have more hope this time round. I have found that instead of singing to the baby in my current pregnancy, I just speak my truth "I am your Mummy and I love you and I just want you to be safe" "I find being pregnant difficult so I am struggling but I am so excited to meet you".

In terms of finding out the gender, I have found out with all three. In fact, despite struggling to accept I am even pregnant, I have held a gender reveal (only with close family) each time. This means I can share happy pictures and memories of my pregnancy with my living children. That being said, whatever you choose to do, is the right decision!

Sending lots of love and well wishes xx

Thank you all for your kind words and support 😊 We decided to find out the sex and this one is a boy! It’s the first time in this pregnancy that I’ve been excited and finding out definitely feels like the right decision for us 🥰

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