AITA

There's a bigger problem here than just breakfast today. You guys need to work on communication. But as far as this incident goes...did you know he was making breakfast? Next time maybe ask how long it will be so you can plan accordingly. I'm not siding with him, he needs to not act like a child with his insults.

He used the R word??? That in itself makes HIM the asshole

Sounds like there’s slot of resentment building here. I’d have a conversation and ask him what his actual issue is. Yeah okay it is kinda rude to get up and walk away while someone is eating a meal with you yknow but it’s not justified to freak out and name call. Anyways I wouldn’t let him call ya names or talk down to you.

Sounds like a toxic relationship. Your partner is supposed to love you. He insults you in a regular basis ? Telling you words,... Why are you still with this guy?

@Katherine thank you for the advice I will try to communicate better with him and to answer yes I did know and I thought I had some extra time, for some extra context we have a 2 month old baby and I had to tend to him while my partner was cooking I thought I had more time after my baby slept to take care of some major bill but he got upset when I was trying to.

You both sound super frustrated with the other. But the way he talks to you is not okay. You can only control what you do and say. If he's always been horrible and he's just a shitty partner, well, maybe you should leave. But if you want to stay, for whatever reason, you need to communicate better. So don't say "in a minute", say "I'm just paying the bills, I'll be there in 5 mins, thank you for cooking, I don't mind if it gets cold!" But alternatively, I mean, was it actually URGENT that you pay the bills THAT minute? Sometimes we get rigid ideas in our head but if you take a step back, you realise you can be flexible. Could you have gone and eaten breakfast and then paid the bills after breakfast? It's annoying being interrupted in a task, but I would have finished the one I'd started then gone to eat. It is somewhat rude and does make people feel unappreciated.

I’m boggled , he’s mad you didn’t come right away when he called you ? Are you a dog ??😵‍💫 And he called you a what now ?? This irked me on another level it’s like he’s started an argument over nothing and then started riding his high horse? 🥴🥴

For the insulting language, you need a line to shut him up. You should stay calm, look him in the eye and say "it is not okay to speak to me that way." Then I would have taken my plate and eaten in another room. Refusing to eat the food he made was probably a bit petty and I assume you were hungry so it didn't achieve anything.

@Ella a lecture kinda puts me off my food 😂

So in summary, NO you are not the arsehole, he's definitely the arsehole. You should think seriously about leaving. But if you are choosing to stay, think about how to communicate better but you absolutely need to stand up for yourself.

Using slurs makes you an automatic @$hole. I'd dump him. Imagine if/when he starts pulling this shit on the kids. "I said come eat, I matter more than you do. It's my way or the highway" is all the same controlling bs that doesn't lend to autonomy

Has he always been like that? Or just post partum? It sounds like there is so much resentment built up. You guys need some counseling to learn how to navigate this new life. Post partum does major things to some relationships. If this is a new dynamic between the two of you and you both act like this without stopping the behaviours, catching yourselves or communicating better and you want to stay together, you need counseling to figure out what is the core issue there.

Also if he has always been like that, that won’t change and your child will always be exposed to this. For one, you shouldn’t let anyone speak to you like that, but also, your child will start to understand vibes and then words later on. Your baby will pick up on that and pick up some lovely behaviours. Consider if that is want you want for their future

Tbf, it's fucking annoying when I cook something and the other person will "just be a minute", so I feel vi's frustration there ngl. You should have shelved the bill payments, i mean nothing was going to happen by delaying it by 15mins?

@Ella thank you for the advice I will try that approach next time as for the urgency, yes they were late bills which I did not want to fall farther behind some of which were utilities and insurance payments. To also put a perspective on things I have a 2 month old baby and I didn't get much sleep that night from taking care of him all night. To also add on I was trying to put my little one down quickly. While my partner was cooking so I could get a large majority of the important bills out of the way. I take care of the finances in our home while he takes care of rent and cooking, so relive stress off my plate I try to get things out of the way as soon as possible( ie any task like cleaning or laundry). Additionally I did pay most of the bill while I was trying to put my child down to sleep and had 2 more left to pay off before he had called for breakfast hence why I told him in a minute, but giving a specific reason and time probably would have lead to a much easier Interaction.

@Ella thank you for all the advice earlier and the reason I am staying is because of my baby but each day I see he get more and more mean to me I will just pack up and leave.

@Heather I notice the women in his family are like this. My way or the highway but they don't treat there partner like s***

@Vera when we first met he was a little like this, when we moved in he started to show it more but not like he does now, he pretty much makes fun of me and insults me in front of out baby I have told him to not talk to me like I'm an idiot and I won't retaliate. He the promise me okay I will treat you more kindly, but then turns around and starts all over agian like it's a joke. I do feel like he got worse because all the attention is on the baby and he thinks he treats me like a queen and I should treat him like a king but right now I don't care to be treat like a queen I care to be treated like a human being not some sort of emotional or verbal punching bag.